Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #83 "Thevictorian, Pain and Gall"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Problem is, Val has nothin' this week. Nada. Not a word in her head for putting on the page. Fake-writer's block, it is. Val has nothing to say. Not an inkling of an inspiration. She had a good 82-book fake run, but now she's tapped out. Dry as a Dust Bowl cowboy riding at the back of the herd, eating crackers. But you should still buy the fake book!

Thevictorian, Pain and Gall

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(0 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Sarah, Plain and Tall..."This fake author has a lot of gall to pretend to be a fake writer. I would never pretend to be something I'm not. This gal is a pain, and if I received an unsolicited copy of this fake book in the mail, I would send it back!" 

St. Louis Furniture Store Owners Brooke and Amy Dubman..."This is quite possibly the best fake book Thevictorian has not-written. We're giving one away for free with the purchase of every set of office furniture. It's the least we can do. Because you like nice things, and a fake book with no fake writing is the nicest thing Thevictorian has ever done for the literary world."

Baby Jessica, 30 years later..."Even if I'd had a flashlight down in that well, and even if I could've moved my arm to hold it, and even if I'd been a precocious 18-month-old reader...I still would not have passed my 58 hours reading this fake book with no words."

Cosmo Kramer..."This gal has written a fake book without any words! Can you believe it? That gives me the jimmy-legs! Nobody's gonna put THIS on a coffee table!"

The Insides of Ed, Wife of H.I. McDunnough..."Like we are a rocky place where HI's seed can find no purchase...Thevictorian's fake book is a barren wasteland where fake-readers can find no pleasure."

Ellsworth Kelly..."I can't believe people fake-buy this fake book. It's NOTHING! Thevictorian's contributions to literature are minimal, at best. A toddler could produce fake writing of the same quality."

The Emperor..."My new clothes had more substance than Thevictorian's fake writing! Just ask the townspeople!"

A Vacuum..."This fake book is devoid of substance. A black hole wouldn't even be attracted to it. As my cousin Hoover might say, 'This fake book sucks more powerfully than I.' He's a great grammarian, my cousin Hoover. Sadly, the same cannot be said for Thevictorian."

Hollow Tree leased by Keebler Elves..."I have found a way to bring joy to people by using my nothingness as a platform to spread sweet goodness throughout the world. Thevictorian has not."

Al Capone's Vault..."Yes! Now there's a better reference for emptiness than ME, and it's Val Thevictorian's 83rd fake book!" 

Bonneville Salt Flats..."Nobody is setting a new land speed record rushing to fake-buy Thevictorian's latest fake book. I don't mean to brag, but I, alone, could have provided more than enough trees to publish the number of this fake tome needed to fill the orders."