Friday, November 17, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #85 "The Sinker"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Anybody who loves art should jump at the chance to read Val's fake effort this week! To find a smidgen of beauty in her tale of a new-age sculptor who is making money hand over fist on the backs of the greats who came before him. Okay. Maybe that "smidgen of beauty" is an exaggeration on a grand scale. But maybe you can give the book to a high school student to tear up the pages and stuff them in chicken wire as they build the homecoming float. C'mon. You don't want to be thought of as a kid-hater, do you?

The Sinker

July No-Ma'am is an up-and-coming artist. He has developed a method of replicating famous sculptures in miniature. He drew inspiration from childhood play with Shrinky Dinks, and viewings of Honey I Shrunk the Kids.

No-Ma'am is on the lips of many a collector, and in the tackle box of even more rich fisherman. While a No-Ma'am looks classy sitting in a shadow box, its functionality has set the angling world on fire. Now you can make a statement while casting your line. No-Ma'ams are the perfect sinker for the fisherman who likes his tackle upscale. Jealous competitors are threatening to file an injunction to stop July No-Ma'am from stealing ideas (and actual sculptures) from other artists. July says he is at liberty to do so. Ironically, while shrinking down Lady Liberty.

Will this prove to be the end of the trail for No-Ma'am, or just a bunch of Chicago bull?
(150 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Atlas..."?" (shrugged)

The Emperor..."I like this guy's clothing! I'm pretty sure it's suited for hanging out underwater by a hook. This fake author, though, is all wet!"

Thomas Jefferson sitting on a boot taking a crap..."Not since I was found relieving my bowels at an auction has there been such a stir over a statuesque man in this position! I was a man ahead of my time, acquiring valuable real estate for my country. Let me just caution you that anyone who buys this fake book is even crazier than that Seward fellow who bought a frozen wasteland from the Ruskies."

 A bathroom stall wall..."There he sits, broken-hearted, his chance for fame, Thevictorian thwarted. For a good read, do not EVER call Thevictorian's number. I have scrubbed myself clean of that filth."

The Band..."Take a load off, VALly. Sell your book for free. Take a load off, VALly. Your authorship was never meant to be. Even fakely."

Otis Redding..."I think SOMEBODY has been sittin' on the dock of the bay, wastin' time!"

John Donne..."This fake author had better stay on that dock! She's not an island, you know. I think we all know what that bell is tolling for...THEVICTORIAN'S CAREER!"

Electric Light Orchestra..."The city streets are empty now. The lights don't shine no more. Everybody is barricaded inside, upon hearing that Thevictorian released another fake book. Reading such a tome is enough to make mankind give up the will to live."


  1. The sculpture pictured is from Rodin's "Gates of Hell," which is where this fake author is headed.

  2. Heed Stephen's words. I guffawed at the Emperor and laughed all the way through. Your brain is amazing.

    1. And here I thought my brain was merely "breathtaking."

  3. As an avid or semi professional maybe legendary fisherman, or seriously just a guy who occasionally goes fishing I am really thinking about the sinker...

  4. He needs to go to Goodwill & pick up some real (or fake) clothes!!

    1. Yes! Take a lesson from Hick, who just got a black and gold Mizzou hoodie (with only a small stain) and a fleeced khaki vest (size 2XL).

  5. Val--I finally wrote the post (it'll come out tomorrow morning) so I could finally read your post. A surprise awaits you with my blurb. (But don't hold your breath... it's not THAT exciting.)

    1. Surprise? I might have to stay up all night! I'll breathe, though, because I don't think anyone in this house would resuscitate me.