Friday, November 24, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #86 "Four Nags Over Missouri"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week Val puts her sharp tongue to wagging, and transcribes her diatribes to shame her kids into cleaning up their act. She shames fictional kids out of their slothful behavior. Get up off the couch, brush those Cheetos crumbs off your chest, and fish around under the cushions for coins to order Val's latest fake book! Cash or money order. No checks, credit cards, or Cheetos found under the cushions.

Four Nags Over Missouri

Sal Thethicktorian's amusement park has signs to direct folks to exhibits. They may SAY animals, but mean Sal's kids.

Want a SCARE? Take a gander at The Donkey...

You will also find The Donkey doing duty at the SLEEP exhibit. Not so Sal's other son, Wizard, who has always been an antisleepite.

The Donkey is an expert SCRATCHer, disguising his movements at venues such as an all-school Christmas program to look as if he's merely pulling his corduroy pants into a bikini bottom shape.

Wizard is a jack of one trade. If you want to GAG, seek out the display of his clothing bag brought home from basketball camp in Missi-freakin-sippi in July.

Will Sal's theme park be shut down by PETO (People for the Ethical Treatment of Offspring)? Or will Sal find a way to skirt the rules? (139 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

A Monkey, flinging excrement..."This is what Thevictorian's fake books are worth! Nobody wants to see her flippin' KIDS at an amusement park! They want to see ME! Why can't Thevictorian write about ME? If me and my 9,999 buddies had 10,000 computer keyboards, WE could fake-write a better fake book than this!

Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion..."My eyes weren't always crossed, you know. It seems to have happened shortly after reading one of Thevictorian's fake books. I think a good tranquilizer dart would go a long way towards protecting the world from Thevictorian's future onslaughts."

Those Happy Feet Penguins..."We have gone to the end of the Earth in an effort to protect ourselves from this fake author. We do NOT sing her praises, fake or otherwise. Our own Mumble cannot sing a note! We attribute his other-abled-ness to his dad reading one of Thevictorian's fake books while waiting for him to hatch, and losing the egg when he fell comatose due to a lack of plot."

PETA..."We cannot recommend this fake book. That would be unethical. This fake author's fake work is harmful to animals who live with ignoramuses who read her fake books. May we suggest that Thevictorian be relocated to a small wire cage, with no access to writing implements, and if she escapes, a coat be made out of her thin skin?"

Lab Rat #71,384..."We've been fake-reading Thevictorian's fake books for years now. I am the only survivor remaining from this double-blind test. Mamas, don't let your litter grow up to read Thevictorian!"

Willie Nelson..."I think that rat was plagiarizing me! Thevictorian would be wise to do the same."

Jim Fowler, assistant to Marlin Perkins..."I am glad that Marlin is no longer alive, because I fear that he would order me to read Thevictorian's fake book! That could be the death of me. I would sooner wrestle a 27-foot anaconda."


  1. Somehow this fake book doesn't sound as appealing as your others.

    1.'s hard to keep up the fake quality when you get to #86. And even harder after you've spent 7 hours prepping Thanksgiving food for Saturday.

  2. LOl, "Willie Nelson" made me giggle.
    Circus freaks at this venue, too?

    1. Val cannot find a reliable circus freak shield to repel them.

  3. This is undoubtedly the scariest fake book I've ever seen!!

    1. The fake author's name on the fake spine alone has been credited with giving some folks major palpitations!