Thursday, December 15, 2016

Nine Noggins Nuking

On the Ninth Day of Hickness, my Sweet Baboo gave to me...Nine Noggins Nuking. That does not mean that Val is a veritable Hydra, a monster with nine heads. Though she finds it quite desirable to be able to grow two heads in place of one, should an unfortunate fate befall it.

I have been taking a walk up the uneven driveway every day. Four walks, really, because I risk ligaments and menisci to trek that treacherous trail four times. The weather has taken a sharp wintery turn. Yesterday it was 25 degrees, but felt like 20. To the weather site I check. To ME it felt warmer than the day before. That's because Hick gave me a hat to wear.

Before you go all goo-goo eyed with emotion over Hick making a special trip to an award-winning hatmaker to fork over his Goodwill money stash for a custom hat to encase Val's precious brain...let the record show that Hick grabbed a hat from The Pony's room that he had come across while cleaning it out searching it for treasures to display in his themed sheds.

"It's just so cold out there lately. I can't even feel my face when I come in. My hands won't stay warm, even up in my sleeves. I have on a shirt, a sweatshirt, and that flannel jacket, but when I come in and try to warm my hands by putting them on the skin of my belly, even my fat layer is like ice! I need a sock cap. That will hold in my heat."

"Oh. I'll get you one to wear tomorrow."

Hick disappeared into The Pony's room. I went to the kitchen to check on his supper. Less than a minute later, Hick was rushing through the kitchen, hunched over something he held in both hands. He dashed out the kitchen door, slamming it behind him. And as fast as he was gone, he was back.

"There. There's you a hat."

He laid this on the kitchen table.


"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing's wrong with it. I found it in The Pony's room when I was cleaning it."

"What was in it? I saw you run outside to dump something out of it! It wasn't baby mice, was it? Like in your coverall pockets over in the BARn?"

"No. It was just dust. I took it to shake the dust out of it."

A likely story. He was moving might fast for dust.

Let the record show that it's not our kitchen table in that picture. I took the picture today, out on the corner of the back porch deck. Let the record further show that I wore that hat yesterday, and it kept my noggin (and the rest of my appendages) toasty warm. Warmer. Like rubbing my hands together in front of a nuclear blast.

Just a couple of problems here. I was not hunting in the deep woods at the height of deer season. I was quite a spectacle for people driving up the gravel road while I was walking. This hat was youth size. It had to be pulled way down to almost cover my ears, even unrolling part of that flap Hick had kindly folded for me. AND it was inside out. Which I just discovered when taking the picture.

I'm pretty sure he meant well, but I will not be recommending Hick as a stylist for your cold-weather wardrobe.

14 comments:

  1. Warm is more important than style in the winter.

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    Replies
    1. Said the inventors of the Slanket, Snuggie, and Adult Onesie...

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  2. Replies
    1. I'm afraid. Once I sent him to Walmart to get a new lamp, and that's how I ended up using a pair of pliers to turn the old one off and on for over a year. Hick does not seem to grasp the concept of going to the store to buy a specific item.

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  3. Perhaps you could ask for a different hat for Christmas? Unless you suspect Hick has already purchased your Christmas present?

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    1. Oh, I hinted at it! "Should I just wait until after Christmas to get one?"

      "No. Go get yourself a hat. And I could use one too. I don't know where mine is."

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  4. SD lent me a tank suit when I said I was cold because he had me out in the paddock pulling out a trailer (so he could take his Dad's Rav 4 that he bought him to go across fields to pick up logs to the garage because there's something wrong with the something or other) - a REAL tank suit that they wear in tanks ... He didn't even GIVE it to me just lent it to me - I wouldn't go to SD for styling advice either, it was 4" shy of my ankles and olive green. I'd rather have a red hat even if it was full of mice.

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    1. Well...the color and the mice won't do much to keep your exposed ankles warm.

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  5. It's so bright! I hope there aren't any bulls around to charge at that bright red hat.

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    1. Great. Now I have something else to worry about!

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  6. But he has such wonderful taste in sheds!!

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    1. And WIVES! Oops! WIFE. The previous ones don't count.

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  7. It looks like it has a hole in the top of it. Maybe the mice chewed through it.

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    1. No, I think that's an optical illusion. I didn't notice anything letting the hot air out of me.

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