Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The Ladies Take Over the Barbershop



We’ve got UNRULINESS, blogfriends. Right here in Barbershop City. We’ve got UNRULINESS. In the middle that's a capital L. That rhymes with not-heaven. And that stands for Little Barbershop of Horrors. We’ve surely got UNRULINESS. Right here in Barbershop City. Right here! Gotta figure out a way to close down that future den of iniquity!

Oh, dear. Where to start. Hick has been working night and day…well…evening and weekend day…on his precious barbershop. I have fresh pictures, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow for them. Because right now, you must hear of Hick's latest barbershop adventure.

When we last convened, Hick had painted the front wall red and set up a mantel with no fireplace, a mantel dotted with St. Louis Cardinal memorabilia. That left him three bare walls to contend with. But in Hick's mind, that was only three walls left to decorate with man-things for my barbershop. So he got to furnishing his newest labor of love.

Last week, Hick came stomping in the front door at quitting time. Oh, not quitting time after work at his day job, which he should be keeping, I tell him, rather than thinking we can exist on the proceeds of his pipe dream. No. It was quitting time from decorating his barbershop.

Hick was agitated that day, my friends. Agitated, like a hipster doofus in a dented motorcycle helmet after an encounter on the street with the former boyfriend of a gal with a big wall of hair and a face like a frying pan, Crazy Joe Davola, the Pagliacci fan, dressed as the tragic clown.

"My barbershop is full of them! Ladybugs! All over the place! There must be five thousand of them! They're down my collar, up my sleeves, in my hair...all over me!"

So of course he came straight into the house to virtually shake himself like a wet dog, spraying ladybugs throughout our homestead. At least that's what I pictured upon hearing his lamentations from my dark basement lair. That's the last thing we need. An infestation of ladybugs to rival those in my mom's drop ceiling, which don't seem to bother her, since they go back into their hideaway after crawling around on the walls and windows all day.

So far, I've only seen one, near the ceiling, on the master bathroom wall by the shower. If only Hick hadn't chopped up those mice in the ceiling light vent fan, they might have eaten any ladybugs that get in the attic. Nah. That's just wishful thinking. Mice don't eat ladybugs. And of course Hick is going to chop up every mouse he gets a chance to behead in a bathroom ceiling light vent fan.

I find a certain symmetry in the fact that five thousand LADYbugs invaded the MANcave barbershop that Hick is decorating.

7 comments:

  1. They must dudelbugs. Hick needs a big screen TV, a refrigerator and a checker board.

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  2. You know what your future holds: Hick's hideaway will eventually have a hamburger joint and he will be moving out. Those ladybugs have invaded both of my kids' homes, NEW homes. UGH.

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  3. With all those LADYbugs, Hick should paint the other three walls a blushing pink, and put a floral wallpaper border on it...

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  4. Oh my, my daughter would be screaming so loud, you'd be able to hear her as she can't stand ladybugs. I thought she was going to flip out once when she saw ONE on the door. I had to laugh.

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  5. Don't mess with The Ladies. No bird will eat them but they can put away a few thousand plant sucking aphids in a few days. Squish them and you have a bloody red mess. I'd say Hick has a TROUBLE on his hands.

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  6. Lady bugs are supposed to be good luck, and you have enough of them to be really lucky.

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  7. joeh,
    Whoa, Joe-nelly! Perhaps I have not mentioned the square footage of this establishment. It's not Sam Drucker's general store. No room for a pickle barrel or checker game. No TV. That cuts down on the number of listeners for story-tellers. A refrigerator? Pshaw! Hick and his tough customers will eat jerky and drink from the pipe that sticks up over by the well cap. No frills here.

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    Linda,
    Don't give Hick any ideas of complementary cabins to build beside his barbershop.

    You'd better have your kids make a note-to-self: "Don't ever invite Lynn's kids over to the house until we have enough high-decibel ear protection for everybody.

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    Sioux,
    Too late now. What's done is done. As you'll see on Thursday's post. No hat tip to the LADYbugs.

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    Lynn,
    If you are the person responsible for planting that one ladybug on the door, I would keep it to myself if I was you...

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    Leenie,
    What about the ANTS? They will have no nectar if the aphids are eaten! Darn those ladybugs, upsetting the ecosystem.

    Yes, Hick has Trouble with a capital T. He would have moved his pool table (that starts with P that rhymes with T) into his barbershop, except it won't fit.

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    Stephen,
    Actually, HICK has enough of them to roll in a field of four-leaf clovers and rub the fur off a fluffle of rabbits' feet.

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