Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Say It Ain't So, Cole

I don't mean to alarm you. Perhaps you should sit down. I'll try to break it to you gently. I had no idea until my mom filled me in.


Okay, so Mom didn't KNOW there was a slaw shortage. She just thought people had been eating a lot of slaw lately, and she was always too late when she got to the store. You know how Mom loves slaw. She first noticed that Walmart was out two weeks ago. And has been out every time she shops there, which is a couple of times a week. She asked a lady behind the deli counter what was the deal with the slaw, and that lady had no answer, other than to get a look of suspicion on her face, and point out that she could sell Mom some slaw made in the deli, languishing in a bowl in the glass case. Mom turned her down. She knew she could get her slaw elsewhere, in descending order of preferred providers.

Mom's back-up slaw vendor is Save A Lot. Their shelf was also bereft of that tasty cabbage treat. As were the shelves of number three, Aldi's, and her last choice, Country Mart. Yes, there was no coleslaw. Nada. All gone. It got to the point that Mom had to voice her concern in one of our 6:00 a.m. phone calls.

"Do you have any slaw? I haven't been able to find it anywhere. Everybody seems to be out."

"No, I haven't bought any in a couple of weeks. But I did notice on Saturday that Walmart was out. And they were also out of that red-skin potato salad that we like. I just figured that since it was Saturday night, other people had already bought it, and they needed to restock."

"Well, I thought that at first. But I can't find it anywhere!"

"I'll see what I can find out."

Yesterday, my work was all caught up at 7:45 a.m., so I consulted my BFF Google while waiting for first bell. What I found out would curl your hair. Or, if you're of the Charlie Brown's friend Freida style of naturally curly hair, the news will straighten it.


I know! It's a sign of the apopadopalyspe, if you listen to Hick. Who is slightly fond of slaw, but has not yet been updated on this calamity. Oh, I suppose you might find slaw in various hole-in-the-wall joints, or on the black market, or at auctions. But Reser's Fine Foods, Inc. the main supplier for Walmart and Sam's Club, and a plethora of other chains/brands has voluntarily recalled all packaged salad items. Including my red-skin potato salad.

During my plan time, I called Mom to fill her in. The old gal is taking it hard. I don't expect to be an Any-Dollar Daughter for quite some time.


  1. You don't need to aspire to be a $4 daughter or an $8 dollar daughter. You just need to try and be slaw daughter. THAT would cement your standing...

  2. I've never known anyone to be as enthralled with slaw as your mother. I do like it but that's as far as it goes. But for your mom's sake I hope the slaw storage facilities are soon filled.

  3. OH NO! Weird that the media babble hasn't picked this up and smeared it all over the headlines like old chili on a T-Hoe seat.

  4. And why aren't you shredding cabbage for your dear mother? Personally, I like deli slaw. Red potato salad is the bomb!

  5. Sioux,
    If I had slaw in my Frigidaire, I would gladly give my mom half. Even though it might make me the Half Daughter.

    You'll likely never meet one in the future, either. BECAUSE THERE'S NO SLAW!

    Or like dog snot on a woman's lips.


    What do you take me for, some kind of short-temper cook? Why would I be shredding cabbage when I can buy a bag of it already shredded? With carrots. Unless the bagged cabbage is currently on recall due to E. coli.