Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Around the World Old Lady Ways

My mom had a bee in her bonnet Monday. A bee of the overcharging species, that entered her bonnet at the grocery store. Unlike her gray sweatpants, Mom's bonnet is without a hole. She was all agitated by the metaphoric bee. I could imagine her waving her non-phone hand for emphasis. Or in an unconscious effort to thwart that bonnet-bee.

"I went to Country Mart this morning to get a bag of ice and some Worcestershire sauce for my Check Mix. The Worcestershire sauce was marked 99 cents, but when I got home, I saw that they had charged me $2.78 for those two bottles. That really upset me."

"I had forgotten that I was out of oil, so I went back to Country Mart and took that receipt. The girl walked me back to that aisle, and ripped the yellow 99-cent tag off the shelf. 'You take this to the register, show them your receipt, and tell them they were supposed to take the tag down.' So I got my refund. I know it cost me more in gas than 80 cents, but I sure felt better."

"Oh, and when I got back, I was about to pull into my driveway when I noticed that card I was going to mail for Genius laying on the front seat. I know there was no mail today, but I had meant to mail that card. It always goes out on Tuesday morning. So I just kept on going past my house, and hit the highway and went back to town to the post office."

"Your sister [the ex-mayor's wife] is out of town, you know. They went to a funeral for that man who was out cutting wood and died. No, it wasn't a heart attack. Let's see...did a limb fall on him? No! They were stacking the wood, and the whole pile fell on him. It was so sad. He was related to the ex-mayor, you know. He married a Hatfield. Well, her mother was a Hatfield. But she was a McCoy...So your sister told me that if I got my paper delivered on Veteran's Day, that I should go to her house to pick hers up so people wouldn't know they were gone. So as soon as I got my paper this afternoon, I went over to get hers."

"Mom. You mean you made FOUR trips to town today?"

"Well...I guess I did!"

"You could have driven across several states in that time."

"Yes. I'm staying home tomorrow!"

That's my mom. Nobody would dare call her a shut-in. She might have even made another trip she forgot to mention. To look for slaw.


  1. " He married a Hatfield. Well, her mother was a Hatfield. But she was a McCoy..." That is the funniest thing I have read all day!

    Your mom and me would get along splendidly! I go back and forth to town all the time.

  2. Your mother made four trips into town, and I only made one trip to our board meeting, but I feel like I went to he** and back. (The meeting went until 10:55 tonight. Yikes!)

  3. The quest for the Grail filled with slaw continues.

  4. Sometimes even a lady has to burn a little gas to help her feel better.

  5. Birdie,
    My mom never met a stranger. She would love to drive you to town. Or ride with you. She can talk no matter what seat she's in. Using her hands, too. Steering is no object.

    That is not proper board meeting etiquette, Madam. Surely they were ready to go into closed session by 10:30. You must have had snacks. Or a television news crew.

    Let's hope it's not futile. Or fatal. Or even leads to a mild case of Listeria.

    And all the while, a lady reveals nothing.

  6. Now I want to meet your mom even more because even though I am introvert I have never met a person that I couldn't talk to! And using my hands! (I am my own mother's daughter and my guess is you are too.)