My mom had a bee in her bonnet Monday. A bee of the overcharging species, that entered her bonnet at the grocery store. Unlike her gray sweatpants, Mom's bonnet is without a hole. She was all agitated by the metaphoric bee. I could imagine her waving her non-phone hand for emphasis. Or in an unconscious effort to thwart that bonnet-bee.
"I went to Country Mart this morning to get a bag of ice and some Worcestershire sauce for my Check Mix. The Worcestershire sauce was marked 99 cents, but when I got home, I saw that they had charged me $2.78 for those two bottles. That really upset me."
"I had forgotten that I was out of oil, so I went back to Country Mart and took that receipt. The girl walked me back to that aisle, and ripped the yellow 99-cent tag off the shelf. 'You take this to the register, show them your receipt, and tell them they were supposed to take the tag down.' So I got my refund. I know it cost me more in gas than 80 cents, but I sure felt better."
"Oh, and when I got back, I was about to pull into my driveway when I noticed that card I was going to mail for Genius laying on the front seat. I know there was no mail today, but I had meant to mail that card. It always goes out on Tuesday morning. So I just kept on going past my house, and hit the highway and went back to town to the post office."
"Your sister [the ex-mayor's wife] is out of town, you know. They went to a funeral for that man who was out cutting wood and died. No, it wasn't a heart attack. Let's see...did a limb fall on him? No! They were stacking the wood, and the whole pile fell on him. It was so sad. He was related to the ex-mayor, you know. He married a Hatfield. Well, her mother was a Hatfield. But she was a McCoy...So your sister told me that if I got my paper delivered on Veteran's Day, that I should go to her house to pick hers up so people wouldn't know they were gone. So as soon as I got my paper this afternoon, I went over to get hers."
"Mom. You mean you made FOUR trips to town today?"
"Well...I guess I did!"
"You could have driven across several states in that time."
"Yes. I'm staying home tomorrow!"
That's my mom. Nobody would dare call her a shut-in. She might have even made another trip she forgot to mention. To look for slaw.