Oh. Hello there. You caught me in the act of hanging out my shingle. Yes. I'm nailing it right to the wall of my proposed handbasket factory. I'm a self-certified, old-age, entrepreneurial practitioner. My advice is good for what ails you, as long as what ails you is a sinus headache. I discovered the cure this morning on the way to my eye doctor appointment.
Of course Val can't go to an eye doctor appointment without first stopping by her mom's house to drop off the used tabloids from last week. Have you heard? Bill Clinton is still dying, the Queen is still dying, Camilla hates Kate, and Oprah's mom and dad are having some kind of legal battle over an affair. Anyhoo...Mom offered me no money (this is certainly a long dry spell) for my trouble. She did, however, offer me pills when I disclosed my medical status.
"Oh, I hate a sinus headache. Do you need something? A Tylenol? An ibuprofen?" I turned down Mom's drugs and tried my go-to method of sinus headache relief. I pushed my nose sideways.
Don't scoff. It works. Put your thumb and forefinger at the end of your nose bone. Right where the cartilage starts. Right there at the top of the ball of your nose. What? You don't have a nose ball? Then this cure may not be for you. It may not work for the witchy hooks and the Nixon ski-slopes. But it works for the clowny nose-balls. Yeah. Val has a nose-ball. What are you looking at?
Take your forefinger off the side of the upper nose-ball, and use your thumb to push it to one side. Sure, your nose-ball will nestle against your cheek. Your nose is out of joint. But it feels so good! The pressure in your sinuses goes away. Then there's that urge to sneeze.
This is a warning. Better not try this technique while driving. You can feel that sneeze building. Then it explodes.Atch...HOO! Bend again. Atch...HOO! Blow your nose. Again, engage in nose-ball-bending. Atch...HOO! Atch...HOO! Blow your nose again. Then repeat, using your other hand, pushing your nose-ball the other way.
Yeah. That's a sure-fire cure. It's as good as a jar of the Baldwin Sisters' remedy, or anything Granny ever concocted in her cauldron out by the cement pond.
Too bad it only lasts until you climb into your T-Hoe and head to the optometrist. When you meet up with your best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel after the appointment, and have a sausage egg biscuit, you can swallow an acetaminophen. Then, ninety minutes later, you can toss back an ibuprofen. By noon-thirty, that sinus headache will be gone.
Better jot that down if you want the cure for free. At my proposed handbasket factory, I will be listing a phone number that will cost you $5.00 per minute. Still, you're getting a sure-fire cure for a sinus headache.
That's nothing to sneeze at.