Thursday, April 11, 2013

Stephen King was Right. Sometimes They Come Back.

I don't know about your neck of the woods, but here in Backroads, darkness reigns at 6:20 a.m.

That's a time we are halfway through our morning routine. Hick leaves for work at 6:00. The Pony and I leave thirty minutes later. And Genius snoozes until the last minute from which he can careen into the school parking lot five minutes before the bell.

Imagine my surprise when I heard an entity lurching across the porch. The back door screeched open. Shinbones without feet attached stumped across the kitchen floor. Oh, wait. I'd know the sound of Hick's tread anywhere. My first thought was that Hick had taken ill. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"No." He stumped some more. Now that it was not a life and death matter, my mind turned to other scenarios. Because Hick is not one to volunteer information. Perhaps he forgot some keys for work. No. He would have hollered for The Pony to run to the bedroom and fetch them. Maybe he needed to answer the call of his diuretic. No. He can do that beside the car. I suppose the ENTIRE BAG OF MIXED VEGETABLES that he consumed on Monday could still be clawing their way down his duodenum. No. He stopped in the kitchen.

"Why did you come back?"

"I forgot Steve's eggs."

Seriously? He came back home to pick up a carton of eggs he's selling for $1.50 to a guy at work? He used $4.00 of gas to get $1.50 in eggs?

Something is wrong with Hick's business model.

7 comments:

  1. Too many mixed vegitables will mess you up.

    Those eggs are a loss leader, when others see them they will put in orders...you're going to need some bigger chickens!

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  2. That would make sense to he who rides around the camground in his truck every evening. Heaven forbid that he should walk or use the golf cart.....

    Now I am going to press the button and see if this will actually publish ....

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  3. it worked!! the comment drought is over!!!

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  4. Smarten a man up? That could ONLY be suggested by a man...

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  5. Yeah the first time I read this through (it's late) I had this mental picture of amputated legs, shinbones stumping across your kitchen. Then I figured you were too calm for disfigurement so I figured he was walking on his knees through the kitchen. Then...then I just read the thing over again. The first two versions were a little better, I hate to say.

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  6. Stephen,
    You say that like it's a simple thing, and actually possible.

    *****
    joeh,
    I might as well take over Hick's egg business, and sell them from the perimeter of my proposed handbasket factory. Then the egg-eaters will have to see my vast countertop display of merchandise as they traipse across the office to pay.

    *****
    Kathy,
    EUREKA!

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    Kathy,
    Not so fast. It worked on MY blog...which, like a broken clock, is still right twice a day.

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    Sioux,
    Simmer down now! Somebody taught Joe that too many mixed veggies will mess you up. Perhaps this smartening thing heralded by Stephen is legit.

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    Therese,
    That's the picture I get, too, when I sit in my basement recliner and hear that hubbub overhead. At least now you know that I am a master of deception.

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