Monday, April 29, 2013

Val Puts the Passive in Aggressive

I took a personal day off work today to recover from our cross-state trip to see Genius receive his Missouri Scholars 100 award on Sunday. Still, I got up as usual to take The Pony to school.

Coasting down a residential street at the allotted speed limit, I had to yank my vehicle over the center line to avoid a scofflaw. A young man in a red sports car thought he was going to run a stop sign and shoot across my street. He almost T-boned the passenger side of T-Hoe. I had the audacity to block his path. As I made the half-circle to avoid his jutting bumper, at least a car-length past the stop sign and three feet into my lane, I turned to glare at him. Wouldn't you? Or are you, perhaps, some lily-livered pansy who hasn't a drop of road rage coursing through your veins? Along with my glower, I said, "Seriously?" Of course he couldn't hear me. But something tells me he saw me. Because instead of squealing on about his business and crossing over the street to his intended destination, he pulled out behind me. Like a mouse after the cheese in my trap.

You know I am a law-abiding citizen. I always drive the posted 30 mph on that street. No need to gas gas gas, brake brake brake on that section. It's only three blocks, and a slight downhill grade. I let gravity be my fuel. Besides, a sheriff's deputy must live at the end of that road, because his car is always parked in the driveway.

Redcar Man attached himself to my bumper. Some might have termed what he was doing "tailgating." I was in no hurry, not needing to be at work, only dropping off The Pony. I daresay I might have let my speed fall to 29 mph. At the stop sign, I made sure to come to a complete halt. I looked left. Right. Left again. Then I made my right turn.

Redcar Man was not going my way. He burned his tires and careened left, in front of the deputy's house. So sad to report there was no poetic justice. At least I revel in the fact that I cost him valuable time and made him veer off course, all for his petty revenge in being caught law-breaking.

Val Thevictorian. Teaching road rules etiquette one driver at a time.


  1. It sounds like it was such a wonderful lesson you taught Redcar Man, perhaps you could open up your own driving etiquette school, so you can reach a larger number of drivers.

    Now, what might the name of your school be?

  2. Redcar man sounds like a hopeless case. When I see an arrest-me-red car speeding by I just let it pass and hope a police officer with radar with catch him.

  3. Sioux,
    That would be Val's Handbasket Emporium and Vehicular Charm School. Our motto is: "We get you there one way or the other."

    This one wouldn't pass. He turned to follow me and got all up in my bumper after I slowed and swerved to keep him from putting a dimple in my side. Well. There WAS that little incident of me miming my displeasure, but with a word, not a hand gesture. I think he had a hopeless case of YoungMaleItis.

  4. I tend to be a pokey driver but I do hate it when I am going the speed limit and someone is riding my butt.

  5. Any inconsideration, disrespect, lack of obedience and/or act of defiance should not be blamed upon the innocent driver. Everyone KNOWS red cars just go faster.

  6. Linda,
    Yeah! That'll learn him, by cracky!

    As we all know, you could be going double the speed limit, and someone would still be riding your butt. It's not about the speed, it's about being top dog, and having nobody in front of you.

    I used to have a red car. Two, in fact. Those are the cars I got speeding tickets in. With the exception of a banana yellow Chevy Chevette, and of course that was a conspiracy to frame me, because everybody KNOWS that Chevy Chevettes can't go over 70 mph without breaking up like a space capsule without heat shields on re-entry.