As you may recall, yesterday I received a sound thwarting from the universe. Even Steven did a tap-dance on my snout. I am confident that balance will be restored in the form of me winning the $216 million PowerBall tonight, but until then, I choose to revisit the scene of my thwarting.
Such a word, thwarting. It gives me an image of that giant hand in Jackass 3D, spring-loaded to whap unsuspecting members as they walk through a doorway. Yeah. I watched Jackass. I'm not some refined, camomile-tea-drinking, dainty maiden who sighs contentedly, gazing upon my collection of velvet paintings of big-eyed waifs while stroking one of my 37 cats. I am more of a guys' gal. The one they like to tell, while waiting for dusk to turn to dark, so the drive-in movie can start, the joke about how a one-armed man counts his change, all the while hiding one arm inside their overalls, preparing for the visual punchline.
In a movie, I would be SEE-gar, the designated chick who wants to fly jets with Zach Mayo and Sid Worley in An Officer and a Gentleman. Not Paula, the wanna-be girlfriend/wife who works in the paper bag factory. In Some Kind of Wonderful, I'm Watts, the drum-playing best friend, not Amanda Jones, the stuck-up object of desire. I'm Elaine, darn it! Jerry and the guys could persuade me to save them seats to see Rochelle, Rochelle: A Young Girl's Strange, Erotic Journey from Milan to Minsk. Dudes appreciate me. They don't thwart me.
My high school gang turned out all right. Good change-counters, one and all. A dentist, a banker, and a third-grade teacher. The future candlestick-maker went off to work on the Alaska pipeline and was never heard from again. But three out of four earn a respectable living. I don't know what my high school gal friends are up to. We lost touch long ago. About the time I went off to college and they did not.
I hope they're not being thwarted. That PowerBall has my name on it.
Well, when it happens, don't forget...I'm your long-lost cousin...
ReplyDeleteI get it. You're the one who read every book in the library. Maybe mild mannered school teacher Val really has the highest possible security clearance, knows where all the nukes are and knows the codes. (Don't repeat that) Thwarters beware!
ReplyDeleteYou must be terrific at Trivia Nights. And umm, when you win the lottery, remember me..and not as you're cruising out of town at 20 mph.
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteDon't start planning the family reunion just yet. Shockingly enough, I did NOT win the PowerBall! But last week, I won four dollars. I'll put your share in a savings account for you, and let it draw interest.
********
Leenie,
SHH...the internet has eyes.
********
Linda,
As a matter of fact, I am in high demand for Trivia Nights. I will make a list of people to remember when I win the lottery. You will be at the top, just under my long-lost cousin.