It Went South Sometime Before Sunrise

Some days are diamonds. Some days are poop sammiches.

What a day! Just when you think you are on the mend from a virusy incapacitating illness, you have a relapse. The combination of cough medicine and hot-and-sour soup Tuesday night had me thinking I was the new spokesmodel for Cheratussin Soup. I felt 100 times better. Until 1:30 this morning, when I woke up in the basement recliner with a thumping sinus headache. What my broken crown needed was a good wrapping in vinegar and brown paper. Just the thought of all that work wrapping my irregular noggin turned me off, so I went to bed to toss and turn until 5:00.

The pain made me a bit discombobulated. I had some loose ends to tie up on my laptop. I ordered The Pony to fetch me an envelope to throw in my school bag so I could accomplish some personal business on my plan time. Hick had "folded" some of the boys jeans out of the dryer, so I had that chore to redo. My mom wanted to meet me after school to give me a candy bar. She means well. She found a new Three Musketeers bar with coconut. We made plans that rivaled the complexity of the D-Day invasion of Normandy. My routine was off kilter.

The Pony and I took a different route to school because a bridge on our regular route will be demolished on Monday. We might as well bite that bullet early. When I sat down at my classroom laptop, I realized that I had left my glasses at home. I called my mom to see if she could drive all the way to my house and bring them by school. Hey! SHE'S the one who is always asking if there's anything she can do for me. I like to make her happy. I had asked her to watch for my buddy on Good Morning America, so I would know which part of my two-hour DVR to fast-forward to. You know, because she doesn't have anything else to do all day. One can only work so many Sudoku puzzles. I told Mom to wait until that show was over first. I could manage one class and my plan time with one eye tied behind my back.

Dear me. I jammed the new copier while running my third-quarter tests. It happened right at the bell. I refuse to take the fall. All I did was stand there and watch. After about 50 copies, that darn Kyocera started folding the last paper and stapling it in the middle. One came out, then the jam screen came up right as the bell rang. I reported my mishap to the office and headed to class. Ten minutes in, Mom arrived with my glasses. I celebrated by sneaking an acetaminophen while the kids were working.

Lunch, enhanced with the responsibility of my cafeteria duty, was a whirlwind of chicken nuggets with ranch dressing out of a giant plastic jar with a metal spout. The afternoon flew by in flurry of papers to grade and projects to evaluate. The Pony and I took off at the stroke of 3:30 for the bank and some cash. We met Mom at the park to grab that very special candy bar. She reported that she had watched all of Good Morning America without seeing my buddy.

I can hardly wait to tell her that she should watch again on MONDAY, when Mommy X will be appearing, having been bumped for some breaking news, I assume. If only she could have had a toe ripped off by a roving Shih Tzu, her segment might have aired as planned.

Oh, and that envelope I had big plans for? Kyocera, like a dingo, ate my baby. Okay, not my actual baby, or even the envelope. But Kyocera ate up the time I could have used to fill out and mail in a release form.

Val is gonna hit the big time one of these days.