Val Tells You the Best Way to Let It Rip

Here's a little household tip that I learned at the office: the best way to outsmart perforated paper.

You know what a problem perforated paper is. It's like the juvenile delinquent of the vellum society. A ne'er-do-well who does not know his own strength. One who refuses to yield to the pull of another. I'll bet that even Ramses II complained about the audacity of perforated papyrus all the way back in ancient Egyptian times.

There's a trick to making perforated paper rip like it should. After all, is there not half the amount of paper there as compared to the rest of the document? Making that perforation, in theory, half the strength of regular paper? But no. There's something wonky about those perforations. Like they've been working out, taking supplements. Like they want to kick sand in your face when you try to separate them at the detachment area.

Listen up! Here's the secret. Fold over at the perforation line, then LICK along the edge you just created. Careful. No need to give your tongue a paper cut like that old lady in the commercial with the yippy white dogs who whine in commiseration when she slashes her tongue on an envelope.

You'll need to act fast. Strike while the strings of saliva are still hanging between your lips and your perforated paper. Don't let that perforation dry before you try to rip it apart. Drying is not good. It makes the perforation stronger. Like you went to all the trouble to shave Samson's head, then he poured a mixture of Chia Pet paste and seeds on his noggin, and regained his strength lickety-split.

You're welcome. You know how Val strives to keep folks abreast of breaking news in the field of technology.