Hick Has 99 Talents and "Lucky Gambler" Ain't One

Hick has no trouble finding ways to spend his "spare" time between flipping houses, stocking and operating his Storage Unit Store, maintaining the apartments at the Senior Center, mowing our 10 acres/Pony's yard/three flip yards, picking up remodeling projects from elderlies, and shooting the bull with his cronies every Friday afternoon.

One of Hick's recent recreational pastimes is stopping by a pawnshop run by one of his buddies. I'm sure it started as a guise for buying merchandise to resell in his stores. Now he goes to the fake slot machines there, to spend a little time and money. I don't mind. We each have our weekly cash allowance. What Hick does with his is not my concern.

These fake slot machines LOOK like regular slots, only not as fancy. They play the same way. I can't imagine how they're legal, but Hick says it's because they have a button that tells you whether the next spin will be a winner. And also it shows what the next jackpot will be, but some regular slots show that as well. In Missouri, the only legal slots are in "riverboat" casinos. Though "riverboat" is a broad determination, with most casinos being stationary on land, which might include several pylons in water.

Anyhoo... these fake slots have been around for several years, and are becoming more and more prevalent. There are two in Save A Lot, and in some gas stations. Now this pawnshop. They are called "gambling machines," and are supposedly legal because they are NOT games of chance. Because you can see if the next spin will be a winner.

Hick says he usually spends $20 when he's there. Hick is not a high roller. He only plays quarter denominations in the casino. These fake slots go from a quarter up to several dollars.

Friday, before Hick met up with The Pony to go get a new phone, he had been playing the fake slot.

"I spent $40, and a lady played it after me, and spent $10. We was talking about it as I left, and my buddy who runs the place said, 'Which machine was it? I'm gonna run back there and play it, heh, heh!' I told him he better not be sending me a picture of him with a big jackpot."

Of course you know where this is leading. Hick indeed got a picture of the guy sitting in front of that fake slot. He had won $800. The text came in while he was in the truck with The Pony. I mentioned it when talking to The Pony on his new phone later that evening.

"OH! So THAT'S why Dad said, 'That asshole!' when he checked his phone."

Heh, heh. No sympathy from me or The Pony, former jackpot winners of $8,600 and $16,633 on REAL slot machines!

Hick has won several times on this fake slot. I think maybe his highest jackpot on it was $80.

"I was bettin' a dollar this time. My buddy said he was bettin' two dollars. I thought he was joking about going to play it. He didn't go in while I was still there. He made sure to send me that picture, just because I told him not to!"

Oh, well. It's entertainment. Anything that keeps Hick off the streets and in the pawnshop is acceptable, I guess.