I'm pretty sure I've mentioned in passing that I hate FEET! I don't like to look at them. I most certainy do not like to TOUCH them!!! But on Thursday, Val was called to duty to save Hick's life. Well. In HICK'S mind, anyway...
"Something is wrong with my toe. I know you don't like to do these things, but would you come take a look at it?"
Oh my gosh! The put-upon-ness didn't just ooze out of my pores. It shot out like sparks from a 4th-of-July fireworks fountain. I hobbled into the living room to where Hick was sitting on the long couch, his right foot resting upon the marred coffee table.
"It's the toe next to my little toe. It hurts! Does it look swollen to you?"
I resisted the urge to faint. Then the secondary urge to vomit. I looked at Hick's toes. I reached out to TOUCH THEM!!!
"I can't see anything wrong. It's not redder than the other toes. It might seem swollen, but the other toes are just as bulbous, though in other directions. I don't see any sign of inflammation around the toenail. I don't see any signs that the nail on your baby toe gouged the side of this one."
"It hurts!"
"Does THIS hurt?" I squeezed the end of that toe, and Hick acted like he was dying.
"Did you stub it?"
"I don't remember stumping it, no."
"All I can think of is that when you wore your other shoes yesterday at the casino, that little toe pushed on this one and made it hurt. Or maybe you had a wrinkle in your sock that irritated it. The color looks good compared to our other toes."
"I guess I can get a pedicure tomorrow. That gal will tell me if there's something wrong with the nail."
"I can put some antibiotic ointment on it. But I don't see any sign of injury or infection."
"No. That's fine."
"Could it be gout?"
"That's not in my toes."
"Gout can be in any joint. Toes, ankle, knee, hip..."
"I take medicine to prevent gout. So I don't think it's that."
"I still think it might be from wearing those other shoes all day, when you don't like them, and you're not used to them."
Let the record show that Hick normally wears mesh running-style Skechers, and the other shoes are a white leather "cross-trainer" model. Hick's toes are so jammed up on each other, I suspect that the confines of the leather shoe made them squish against each other with every step.
I need to charge Hick minimal fee for inspecting his toes, seeing as how I abhor feet so much. If he doesn't like it, he can go to a podiatrist and pay THAT guy's fee.
But who else do we have to check our feet, for free?!!!
ReplyDeleteAs long as the checker doesn't have such an aversion to FEET, the free check is logical enough. Otherwise, it's like expecting somebody who is afraid of spiders to catch one and release it outside. I have checked many other unpleasant body parts for Hick without objection. But FEET is asking too much!
DeleteI would put the blame on the other shoes too, anything the feet aren't used to can cause a slight change in the step and if the toes get pushed a different way they will hurt later. I speak from experience. It's possible the white shoes have slightly less toe room and might stretch out a bit more if Hick wears them more often.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the white leather shoes will stretch out with wearing time. However, there's been a new development...
DeleteA good friend with diabetes who ate the wrong foods lost a toe. Then, every few years he would lose another. I hate to be a doom peddler but go to a podiatrist. It only cost me $210 for clipping my toenails. So, I have no idea how much toe-looking will cost.
ReplyDeleteThis is Hick's first toe complaint. Except for when he dropped a 5th-wheel-trailer hitch onto his big toe many years ago. He had surgery and got a pin put in it. Then the orthopedic surgeon lost his license for malpractice. Not for Hick's case. But makes me wonder how much "help" specialists can be sometimes.
DeleteIt seems odd that Hick's toe looked perfectly normal. I would expect lots of redness and swelling with an infection. Maybe it just got started.
Us women are so logical! Just take a minute to think what is different in our daily habits. Although, you were right to think of gout and he would have fainted had you squeezed a gouty toe. Of course the thought of him fainting in pain might be exciting enough to touch his toe again! Clip those nails short so it can't invade the skin of the toe next to it!
ReplyDeleteHick's toenails are actually short, because he gets a pedicure once a month. I think those different shoes cramped his toes together, and made the nail of the baby toe push into the next toe. That baby toe squishes under it anyway, even when Hick is not wearing shoes. Still, there was no evidence of any broken skin.
DeleteI suppose Hick was right about his toenail "not fitting" properly!