Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #70 "The Scamhandler"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week's fake book tugs at your heartstrings as well as your purse strings. It's the story of a self-made man. He has the fanciest cardboard box mansion you've ever seen. Doesn't really live there, though. It's just for show, to help out his career. No, he's not a country singer. He's a...a...businessman. His own boss. You might learn a thing or two about making money, once you read his story. Available only from Val Thevictorian! Now get busy looking under the seats for spare coins in your van down by the river, and go buy a money order so you can get Val's fake book!

The Scamhandler

Leavon A. Boxman is an entrepreneur. He's never worked a day in his life, yet he has amassed a $4 million fortune. Four dollars at a time. Leavon stakes out a corner where cars wait in traffic. He's had many sad-sack scenarios to garner sympathy, and the current one involves his family. His imaginary family. The only tactic that has worked better so far was the sign declaring that he needed $4 for weed. Leavon retired that sign when he left Colorado.

Will the police roust Leavon from his corner, promising to find those ninjas and get his family back? Or will an angry donator demand to see Leavon's karate skills next month?
(113 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Karate Kid..."Asking for money for this fake book is tantamount to bullying! I can't afford to waste money on this fake book. I need that money to pay for my own karate lessons! It's not easy, moving here from the east coast to live with my uncle and his 8 kids. Sheesh! Somebody shoulda told that guy, 'Eight is enough.' And somebody shoulda told Thevictorian, 'No fake book deal.'"

Mr. Miyagi..."I've heard that some karate masters have their hands registered as lethal weapons. The only lethal weapon hands around here belong to Thevictorian, and she used them to fake-write this fake book."

Val Thevictorian's intestines..."Talk about deadly! Thevictorian is full of hot air, and for the safety of the fake-book-buying public, it should never be released!"

Black Belt..."If anybody ever deserved a belt, it's this fake author!"

The Five Dollar Daughter..."This Four Dollar Beggar does not deserve a fake book about his fake life! What the world really needs is more books about ladybugs, pennies from heaven, and crazy old hoarders."

Sergeant Know I. All, of the Spelling Police..."I don't know who proofread the fake cover, but to me, it looks like Leavon A. Boxman needs a good 'speling' lesson before he needs karate lessons to find his 'kidnaped' family."

Kidnaped Family of Leavon A. Boxman..."We can be rescued, all right. When Leavon least expects it! Right now we are shopping our own book deal. About how an innocent family can be victims of a scamhandler, and win $4 million in a fraud lawsuit. Any takers? Thevictorian?"