Thank you so much for hiring and retaining employees who cannot perform even the most rudimentary facets of their positions. I am always tickled to see which new way they have found to sabotage my order. As a regular drive-thru customer who patronizes your establishment weekly, I have endured quite a variety of monkey wrenches tossed into my dinner bag.
Two
orders of breadsticks? Sometimes
you give me one order. Sometimes you give me none.
A
Captain’s sandwich? Often the low-dollar regular sandwich
is given in its place.
Lemon
pepper whitefish? I now know how much lemon pepper it
takes to make whitefish black.
Coleslaw? [COLESLAW!] It should not be warm, with an aftertaste.
Breadstick
included in a meal? I had no idea that some people like
their breadstick encrusted with rice.
Breadsticks? They are usually golden brown. Not fish-belly white.
Do
I want any sauces? Why yes I DO! Tartar Sauce,
Ketchup, Butter, and a Knife.
Every week I request the same
sauces. I have gone, on separate visits, without ketchup, without butter,
without a knife, WITH malt vinegar, WITH sour cream, WITH cocktail sauce.
I will not elaborate on the latest
food faux pas perpetrated upon my person. I am saving the evidence for a
possible future lawsuit. IF I survive for the next 48 hours.
If your restaurant (and I use the
term loosely) was a den of fine dining, and a tip was customary, I would indeed
leave a tip for my server: AN IOU FOR A SWIFT KICK IN THE PANTS!
In closing, I would simply like to
say…see you next Monday.
Signed,
Val Thevictorian
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
Yes, I have been having issues with
The Pony’s fast food of choice after his Monday night appointments.
But last night, I think, takes the
cake in the sweepstakes of customer service tomfoolery.
Lest you think that I licked the Styrofoam platter clean, let the record show that the upper left compartment contained a Styrofoam bowl with plastic lid stuffed full of broccoli florets. The upper right compartment contained SLAW, which I spooned out into (my own) Styrofoam bowl to put in Frig II's Freezer for quick cooling. And the middle compartment contained a filet of lemon pepper whitefish.
Once again, I bemoaned the fact that my whitefish was burned, and heavily lemon-peppered. The edges were downright crispy. And black. Oh, I ate it. Val is not getting home at 7:00 p.m. after a full day of work, a day containing two duties, and standing in the kitchen to whip up a meal. But that doesn't mean that she was content with her takeout.
Yes. Not only was my lemon pepper
whitefish burned. It had burned through the Styrofoam container. A fact of
which I was happily ignorant while crunching away on the burnt edges of that black
filet of whitefish.
VAL ATE MELTED STYROFOAM!
I'm hoping everything comes out okay...
Do you ever fill out those comment cards? We had a guy who worked for us in MN who was the master of customer complaints. He would call the place and insist on a manager when the restaurant was the busiest. Can't tell you how many free meals he got.
ReplyDeleteNo. I figure if I turn them in at the counter, they'll be thrown away. And who remembers to mail something like that once they take it out of the "restaurant."
DeleteWho remembers? My former employee!
DeleteHe should start his own business: customercomplaintmasters(dot)com.
DeleteI hope everything comes out okay too. Plumbing issues and drain problems can be quite expensive and time consuming.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention the deductible...
DeleteI would stick with gas station chicken.
ReplyDeleteI would, too, but The Pony doesn't pick chicken. He picks fish. Mainly for the breadsticks.
DeleteHave you considered writing the headquarters of Captain D's? If your letter is venomous enough, they may send you some coupons... which means that next time, you might be able to eat melted styrofoam--for free.
ReplyDeleteDid it taste like chicken?
Mmm...the only thing better than melted Styrofoam is FREE melted Styrofoam.
DeleteIt did not taste like chicken. It tasted like crunchy burnt whitefish.
When my son was a baby, he choked on a chicken bone from a can of Sweet Sue Chicken and Dumplings. I complained and they placated me with a case of it.
ReplyDeleteThe Captain might send you more Styrofoam crusted fish.
Small world. When MY son was unborn in my belly, I choked on a bone from a can of Sweet Sue Canned Chunk White Chicken. I mailed it to the dang Sweet Sue people, and they sent me enough coupons to choke to death.
DeleteThe only Captain I want a freebie from is Captain Morgan.
Your meal sounds typical of that type of fine dining establishment!!
ReplyDeleteWell, we are ordering SEAfood in MISSOURI!
DeleteI just went to Captain D's web site and learned that the nearest restaurant to me is in Farmington, New Mexico, a tad less than 275 miles from here. I don't think I'll drive there for dinner.
ReplyDeleteWHAT? Are your state-line-crossing shorts in the wash?
Delete