Remember when I was exasperated with The Pony's sartorial habits, and threatened to open a halfway house called Val's School For Boys Who Can't Dress Themselves and Don't Really Care About Helping People? There's a new course in the works.
The forecast calls for snow, and temperatures dropping into the teens tonight. I informed Hick this morning that Juno needed a fresh layer of cedar shavings in her doghouse. You'd think Hick could figure that out for himself, what with all the hours he spends in the doghouse.
"There's a bag of cedar shavings in the garage. All The Pony has to do is pour them in her house."
Easy enough. Even for The Pony. We made a trip to town for necessities like a 44 oz Diet Coke, an 8-piece box of gas station chicken, and some Save A Lot bacon and jelly and sour cream and Lay's Wasabi Ginger potato chips. When we got back around noon, the first flakes had started to fall. Okay. Two flakes fell. But there's supposed to be more!
"Pony. After you carry in the groceries, come back and get the cedar shavings for Juno's house. They're in the garage."
"Okay. I was planning to do that."
I stood at the side porch, petting my sweet, sweet Juno. So silky! So shiny! Hick's daily egg collection must be meager right about now. Here came The Pony, back out to the garage. I saw the bag of cedar shavings sitting on some junk in front of my new Acadia. It was a clear plastic bag, about half the size of a tall kitchen trash bag, mostly full. Plenty of cedar shavings. The wind blew the garage door shut, so I reached over to open it. I knew The Pony would have his hands full with the bag of cedar shavings. Here came The Pony. He passed behind me as I scooped a handful of cat kibble for my sweet, sweet Juno.
THE PONY WAS CARRYING RAW CEDAR CHIPS IN HIS ARMS!
Like a Survivor contestant carrying the makings to start a fire. Cedar shavings! Loose, and clinging to The Pony's black slacks and dark blue zip-front hooded sweatshirt. Falling all willy-nilly up the steps and across the porch toward Juno's house by the kitchen door.
"What are you doing?"
"Carrying the cedar for Juno's house!"
"What were you thinking? You've dropped more than you carried. A double-handful is not going to keep her warm."
"I was planning to go back. I knew it would take more than one trip."
"Not if you carried THE WHOLE BAG! What in the world--for somebody supposed to be a genius, you do not have much common sense!"
"I know. Now that I think about it, that was not a good idea."
"All you have to do is carry that bag around there and shake some in!"
"I know." The Pony proceeded to carry the bag of cedar shavings over to the kitchen door, set it down, and grab a double handful to toss into Juno's house.
"WHAT are you doing now?"
"This will work."
"That is not enough shavings for that dog!"
"Silence!"
"Make sure that when you're done, you take off that sweatshirt and shake it before you go in the house. I step on enough cedar shavings from your dad tracking them in."
"I planned to shake out my sweatshirt. After the first load, I sensed that wearing it was not a good idea." After a multitude of handfuls, The Pony carried the bag of cedar shavings back to the garage.
He's probably headed for a government job.
I am sure that Pony is a genuine genius, but as a member of the testosterone gender, thinking is always optional.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be surprised if he printed up cards proclaiming such a fact, laminated them, and carried one in his wallet. If he remembers his wallet.
DeleteCongress is in his future!!
ReplyDeleteCould be. He doesn't really care about helping people!
DeleteI'm sure he had thought the project through. Perhaps after the second or third or thirteenth trip.
ReplyDeleteYes, when his couch-gaming, atrophied legs grew rubbery with exhaustion.
DeleteI work for small government. We probably would not have him. I think Fishducky is correct--congress or bust.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about some of my former co-workers in the Missouri Division of Employment Security. I think they'd have him...
DeleteYes, and after the cedar chip debacle, did he try to find his butt with both hands? Because if he did and failed, he's proven himself a typical male.
ReplyDeleteI do not believe that he has, as of yet, undertaken that search. Still, I don't think the jury is out, waiting for the evidence.
DeleteI say boys will be boys. I also say Juno feels the cold like you do and you should bring your fur baby in, but that's just my opinion. The dogs in Alaska all stayed outdoors, but nobody listened to my opinion when I was living there.
ReplyDeleteGood thing he's a boy. If he was a turkey, he would drown looking up in the rain.
DeleteI appreciate your passion for the well-being of my sweet, sweet Juno. Were she a fragile yippy doglet, I would heartily agree.
Juno is, however, a formerly-dumped pup. Her mixed blood runs hot with the love of freedom. She has been acclimatized by the cold nights out here in the hinterlands. Her black silky fur has thickened, as has her waist. She has prime doghouse location in an "L" away from the wind, next to The Pony's bedroom wall, three feet from the kitchen door. Her home has shingles, insulation, and bed of cedar chips. During the day she naps in the sun, back porch beside her house in the mornings, and front porch under the living room window in the afternoon.
Juno will be okay.
Let the record show that Hick has forbade her entrance to the homestead.
My daughter's and step daughter's husbands both forbade them, too. One cold winter they disobeyed, listened to their old men bitch and kept bringing the dogs in, first to the basements, and then upstairs. Now one has a big ass golden doodle and the other has two herding dogs which go in and out...too frequently for my liking. The dogs have the daughters trained.
DeleteThe best Hick will do right now is let Juno in the BARn. It has a heater/AC unit that used to be in my mom's house before she upgraded.
DeleteAs you know, my dogs not only have the run of the house, but also sleep in my bed. While it is true that they are all small, my Collie and St. Bernard also enjoyed a life indoors. The Collie had his own bed in my grandson's bedroom, it was the bottom bunk. I know mine are all spoiled rotten! But think of all the money I save on cedar chips .....
ReplyDeleteIf I lived alone, I would probably let my loyal companion cohabit with me. But I do love to watch the dogs get all jittery with anticipation when Hick revs up the Gator. Or tear around the yard like a comet on crisp mornings, or take off after a rabbit to show it who's boss, or roll around on their back in the grass, or snooze in the sun. Sometimes a dog just has to be a dog.
DeleteMy dogs play outside, too, but when bedtime approaches, they want their mommy.
Delete