The Pony and I both had haircuts Friday. Or so we thought. We sat in the pump-up chairs, you know. And had that scrap of cottony stuff wrapped around our neck. And were covered with a drop-cloth that was Velcroed tight to choke us. Scissors were involved. I'm pretty sure. Even though I was told to close my eyes, I heard the snipping.
Yet when we got home, our hair was LONGER than when we left! Those Terrible Cutters are like the anti-griddle on Chopped and Cutthroat Kitchen. You know, the griddle that freezes food. Our Terrible Cutters made our hair LONGER!
I had the Terrible Cutter who gives you more bangs for your buck. She takes twice as long, and cuts half as much. But this time, she LENGTHENED my hair. I swear! It's not a hard style to trim. There's not actually any style to it. Just kind of like Moe's of The Three Stooges fame, with a little bit of a mullet down the back. Because Val is a partier, you know. Business up front, party in the back!
No telling how she did it, but even though I could testify in court that I saw her snipping, that
The Pony woke up the next morning with a rooster tail sticking up from the back of his head. Yes, I saw the back of his hair from the front. His party was interfering with business! Where it laid down like seal fur before the cut, his hair now strutted, and splayed out like one of those laser light fiber optic toy thingies that change color.
Next time, instead of handing over payment to our Terrible Cutters, I think we should hand them a bill.
Val--I am sure Hick has a pair of scissors that is in working order.
ReplyDeleteHow 'bout asking him?
WHAT? I only wanted to lose a little hair. Not half an earlobe. Just ask The Pony. The Pony knows...
DeleteI was beginning to think tere was no longer such a thing as a bad haircut, but you've convinced me otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI AM quite persuasive. In a next or past life, methinks Val is/was a lawyer.
DeleteDidn't Hick build his own barber shop?
ReplyDeleteYes. If Hick built a proctology shop, does that mean you would let him stick his finger up--
DeleteWell you are very persuasive aren't you.
DeleteHeh, heh! Hick will have to cut me in on the action if I get his proctology shop up and running before my proposed handbasket factory.
DeleteI've come across this phenomenon before. I once spent TWO HOURS in a salon with Miss Mac when I had food poisoning and my stomach was groaning and gurgling and I was sweating watching her have her hair cut longer. The cutter even put in some (unasked for) layers that didn't make it any shorter - but it was a whole lot more uneven. I saw it happen before my very own eyes but I was just so grateful when she finally finished the terrible cut that I paid up and ran (as fast as my poor churning stomach would allow) home and just took her somewhere else to have it fixed when I felt better.
ReplyDeleteTWO HOURS? None of us Thevictorians have THAT much hair!
DeleteIt wouldn't surprise me if that salon learned from your episode, and started handing out tainted snacks and locking their bathroom door.
I've had plenty of bad haircuts - - - at home from SWMBO. But I never complain because she doesn't charge me.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt she uses the savings to take herself to a reputable salon. Besides, she knew nobody would even LOOK at your hair when you wore those state-line-crossing short-shorts.
DeleteInstead of these bad haircuts growing out, maybe over time they'll SHRINK!!
ReplyDeleteYes, in The Bizarro World, where you'll be duckyfish and I'll be Lav Thenairotciv.
DeleteYou do know you can take your receipt back and get another terrible cutter try to fix it .... or demand a refund. They do give refunds, I know this, because my baby girl got one when they whacked her bangs off at the hairline. She was only 14, but she was quite indignant and very loud. I just stood there with my mouth shut, never having had to speak out for that one.
ReplyDeleteThat's easy for you to say. They removed all of your daughter's bangs. It's not like they could cut them any shorter.
DeleteI, however, had my hair lengthened when I thought they were shortening it. What if I want back and turned out like RAPUNZEL?