Most women, I think, would say, “Oh.
This Liquid PLUMR will dissolve that clog! I think I’ll pour it down the drain
and see what happens.” Uh huh. We’re a curious sort. Like Alice eating and
drinking items in Wonderland, to see what would happen. Perhaps that’s not a
good example. If the Liquid PLUMR had a note on it that said, “POUR ME,” then
the man might give it a try. Or probably not. Because we all know that men do
not read instructions.
But no. A man is not curious enough
to try that Liquid PLUMR. Without a direct order, that man will move the Liquid
PLUMR off the counter and set it on the floor by his pile of dirty underwear
that he washes himself when the mood strikes him (like when he runs out of clean
underwear) because many years ago he refused to put his dirty clothes in the
hamper, preferring to show his new wife who was boss by WASHING HIS OWN LAUNDRY
FOR 26 YEARS!
Wait! Where was I? Oh, yeah. Men are
not good at discerning subtle clues. A man will brush his teeth in the sink,
and wash his hands after using the facilities (okay, even I agree that’s a
stretch) until that sink overflows. Then he will get his snake and act all
manly and rout out the clog. Liquid PLUMR isn’t manly enough for a man to use.
Kind of like a dish sponge isn’t good enough for washing dishes. A man would
load the dishwasher in a heartbeat if he thought about what goes on inside when
he turns that baby on, because a dishwasher is a machine, and thus manly. But if
he has to wash some dishes by hand, is he going to use the dish sponge?
Not-heaven no! He’s going to use the vegetable brush reserved especially for
potatoes, right? And dirty it up on those dishes so that his wife has to call
him a jerk for not preserving the pristinity of the potato brush.
Yeah. I think the quickest way to get
a bathroom sink unclogged is to block a man’s exit from the bathroom, and
pointedly point to the jug of Liquid PLUMR on the floor, and say, “Can you
unclog the sink? I got some Liquid PLUMR.” Then it all becomes clear to him.
You can almost see a light bulb go on over his head.
A light bulb like the three out of
six that are not burnt out on the wooden light fixture above the bathroom sink.
We do not do well with hints. If we see the sink overflowing we will brush our teeth faster.
ReplyDeleteLiquid PLUMR is bad on the pipes, I use a coat hanger if my wife complains about the clog.
What idiot would do dishes with a potato brush?
WE, on the other hand, see no reason that WE should change, but expect the SINK to change.
DeleteIt may be bad on the pipes, but it's the best we can pick up at Walmart, because their shelf of beer-bellied plumbers with cracks exposed is plumb (see what I did there?) empty.
What kind of idiot would do the dishes with a potato brush? I don't know...some kind of JERK?
Funny, your marriage sounds a lot like MINE!!
ReplyDeleteLet the record show that I am not married to Joe H, the original potato brush dishwasher.
DeleteIf that is too subtle, perhaps you could dunk his head into the overflowing sink. Maybe THEN he will get the picture...
ReplyDeleteGee whiz, Madam. How you have mellowed! I remember when you would have suggested that I dunk Hick's head in a wood chipper. Nobody wants THAT picture.
DeleteThis is spot on, especially the part about the inside workings of a dishwasher. Mine thinks he's a pro when he fiddles with the buttons: power, pots/pans etc.
ReplyDeleteIn his mind, he's piloting a 747.
DeleteSWMBO is trying to teach me that everything should not be microwaved on HIGH. And (she says) some things should not even BE microwaved. Harumph, I say.
ReplyDeleteAt least you have not replaced her broken microwave door handle with two drawer knobs. That I know of...
Delete