Did you know the world of fashion has a new supermodel? It's true. And it's someone we all know. Oh, please! Don't flatter me! I know the first person who flashed (!) into your mind was Val. I must admit that I am not the newest supermodel. But it's somebody from my household!
You might assume that The Pony has been roped into modeling tack. As polished as he would look in saddles, stirrups, bridles, halters, reins, bits, harnesses, and martingales...it's not him.
Perhaps Genius has been snapping a portfolio of himself to submit for a cover of the Mensa Bulletin. Perhaps. But he's not the newest supermodel.
Which leaves...HICK! Hick is the newest supermodel! I know. I was as flabbergasted as you must be. I was happily ignorant of his latest moonlighting venture until this morning, as he was on the way out the door to visit my mom. He had the door open, in fact, when he suddenly shut it and said, "See my new jeans?"
Of course Hick was at the front door, behind the long couch, and I in his La-Z-Boy waiting on my fourth load of laundry to finish, after frying up some bacon in the pan, bacon which I brought home myself. I could not see his new jeans.
"No. You're behind the couch. I can't turn my neck, either. So you'll have to walk over here in front of the window so I can see you." You don't have to ask Hick twice to parade in front of you. The scary part is, sometimes you don't have to ask him at all. And even scarier than a name-calling in-dwelling entity, sometimes he isn't wearing anything to model.
"See? They're my new Wranglers. Just my size! 44-29. I don't even have to get them hemmed." He pirouetted, then turned to face the window, leaving me a view of his hands caressing his own buttocks. "They fit just right."
"Yes. They do fit well."
"I got them for only four dollars at Goodwill. My boss would never wear a pair of jeans from Goodwill."
"Well...how would you know? Unless he announced that he got them for four dollars from Goodwill."
That's the thing. Hick can't keep his mouth shut about his bargains. I suppose he's also a spokesmodel for Goodwill.