Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Val is Sorely Lacking in Christmas Cheer

Remember how, when you were a kid, you stayed awake Christmas Eve in anticipation of Santa's visit? What great fun it was to imagine what he was leaving under the tree? The joy of tearing into those packages once the clock struck six, the earliest time you were allowed to wake your parents and raid the stockpile of gifts?

I felt like that today. I have been sick since Monday night. I called the doctor yesterday to see if I could have some medicine called in to my pharmacy. A little something for a burning chest and green phlegm. I could not get there in time last night. So today, I called the pharmacy to make sure my presents were wrapped and ready for pick-up. Indeed. Two medicinal gifts were awaiting Val at her earliest convenience. The thought got me through the day. An antibiotic, I presumed, for the green phlegm. And some cough medicine to liquify it and expel it without unproductively-coughing my fool head off every sixty seconds.

Remember how, when you were a kid, you ripped open a package and saw that your grandma had given you a twelve-pack of tube socks?

I felt like that today. I arrived at the pharmacy around four. The clerk hauled out a flat package. A FLAT package. It could no more contain a bottle of cough medicine than a wrapped-up Norman Rockwell calendar could contain an Easy Bake Oven. I inquired as to what happened to my Easy Bake Oven--er--my cough medicine. The clerk pointed out that the doctor had prescribed Mucinex to the tune of twenty pills for $23. Which is an over-the-counter med he prescribed, which is not covered by either of my two insurances. When he could have prescribed over-the-counter Robitussin for less than $8. Or a prescription cough liquifier for $4. Neither of which contains pseudoephedrine, a drug which I am not keen on consuming, which is a major component of this new, behind-the-counter Mucinex. C'mon. I'm not looking to make meth.

Remember how, when you were a kid, you ripped open a package and saw that your step-grandma had given you a single pair of tighty-whities to share with your brother?

I felt like that today. The antibiotic my doctor had prescribed was azithromycin. The insert of which warned against driving until I see how my body will react, due to dizziness being a side effect. I'm a working woman (not THAT kind) who must drive herself to work. Who has been having bouts of dizziness since the weekend, along with some ear pain upon swallowing. Oh, and azithromycin is no friend of antacids. Which I take every day. So their fractious relationship pretty much blows the USS Val Takes Azithromycin out of the water.

Sometimes, I just feel like shouting, "BAH! HUMBUG!"


  1. You might just as well have received a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking.

  2. Sorry you didn't get you favorites! I suppose you could blame it on Obama .......

    Drink plenty of fluids, take aspirin, and call me in 7 to 10 days if you aren't better.

  3. Your Z pack will knock you for a loop but also kick the crap out of the crud. Hope you're better soon.

    And thanks for the night of no sleep. I imagined creepy crawlers climbing up the bedspread:)

  4. Big disappointments and expensive medications come in small packages. Best wishes for a quick bounce back. One of the few things kids will willingly share is germs.

    Man I know about getting panties for Christmas. Didn't even have the days of the week printed on them.

  5. Val,
    The azithromycin will fix you right up.
    Sounds like me last week. Left the ER (where I was totally misdiagnosed) and drove to an all night pharmacy for pain meds. Where I found out I had dropped the RX on the floor at the hospital. (Imagine this...I am doubled over and panting with pain, and I also look a wreck. Hubby was out of town and daughter was....well, very teenager-y so I was on my own.)
    Drove my sick self BACK to ER. Got Rx back. Drove BACK to all night pharmacy. Got Rx, think I was freaking out the pharmacist. Can you say, "drug seeking behavior"???
    Anyway I am all better now. And not because of the drugs.
    I feel your pain, Val. I feel it.

  6. Stephen,
    What? A lump of coal would mean that I haven't been GOOD all year! Exactly what are you insinuating, sir?

    As a matter of fact, I HAVE been drinking lots of water, and I took an aspirin. The blame goes to the nurse on duty at the clinic, who looked at her long list of items to call in to the pharmacy, and treated my order like a Mad Libs exercise.

    Great. My insides are going to be hosting a little get-together for the Sharks and the Jets. The Hatfields and McCoys. Elton John and Madonna.

    I hear that Stephen, the Chubby Chatterbox, is espousing the merits of a lump of coal. Stake out your place in line now, lest Santa run out and stick you with generic panties again.

    You poor dear! I make it a point never to go to a medical facility when a phone call will suffice. There are SICK people there! Which is where I think I picked up this bug...getting flu shots for my boys. I've always heard people say the flu shot makes them sick. In this case, my boys' flu shots made ME sick.