It seems there is an update to the Unwritten Culture Rules of Sixteen-Year-Old Males. An addendum, perhaps. And the Truth in Blogging Law requires me to inform you that technically, this item should probably start a new document, the Unwritten Culture Rules of Seventeen-Year-Old Males. But I have no time for that today.
Genius informed me that, contrary to his earlier rule, two seventeen-year-old guys CAN go out to eat together. As long as it's not to a fancy restaurant. Because then people would stare at them. But here's the update. A guy can tie a tie for another guy. With certain restrictions.
How To Tie a Tie for Another Guy
1. Do not face him and attempt to get it right. That is impossible. It's backwards.
2. Do not stand behind him and reach around his neck and tie it like it's on your own neck. That is just weird.
3. Have the guy take off his tie. Put it around your neck and tie it. Then loosen the knot and slip it off.
4. Hand the already-tied tie to the tie guy. He can put it over his head and tighten the knot. Done.
I also learned that it's better to take a chance on death by fiery automobile crash than to ride to school with your mom if the weather forecast is for ice and sleet. That would upset a guy's whole routine. He'd have to get up about an hour early, which is just not happening. Even if it's only for one or two days all winter. No. That's not an option. A little Ford Ranger truck with four-wheel-drive is as safe as a Tahoe, because a guy has driven that a whole year and a half already, and never had an accident on the ice. The mom can drive herself like she's done her whole life. Why would a little ice make her nervous now that she has a seventeen-year-old son who could possibly drive her, even though that's never gonna happen?
I learn something every day.
When I rode with my son when HE was a new driver, I installed a floor mat to protect the front edge of the glove compartment. Because that is where my feet usually were.
ReplyDeleteCurled up in a fetal position is my position of choice when a 16-year old man is at the wheel. And if I keep my eyes closed when we do collide with something big and heavy, my body can flop around--albeit restrained by the seat belt--rather than get braced into a panic-stricken position which will surely guarantee I'd have many broken bones.
Oh, yes. Teenaged boys have so much wisdom to impart to their mothers. Open your mind and receive it...
Fun post. I love the interaction with your kids. Brings back memories.
ReplyDeleteBrings back memories for me, too. But I forgive you because I'm nice like that.
ReplyDeleteSmart, smart way to solve the tie problem. You're right about all the wisdom teens have. We all seem to know so much less after we have more birthdays.
ReplyDeleteMy son is almost 40 an I still hold my breath when he drives.
ReplyDeleteLet me help you out, Val, with 2 quotes from my daughter when she was a teen, that were oh-so-enlightening to me.
ReplyDelete"Mom! Does my logic REALLY have to make sense?", and
"Mom. We (teenagers) can't help it. We're not human yet."
Now. Do yourself a favor, and do as I do. Write these insights of Genius down for yourself and save them. You'll thank me some day when you re-read them and roll around laughing.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteThank goodness your feet will be protected by the cushioning power of Crocs. Not quite Himalayan Walking Shoes, but even this lesser babka of footwear could save your pinky-toe from amputation in a collision with a street sweeper. That's a good thing. Because you won't always have a Cracker Jack box full of ice to preserve your pinky-toe while a hipster doofus drives you to the hospital on a city bus--still making all the stops.
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Stephen,
I'm making memories. This time next year, he'll be off to college, and I'll be wondering how to fix my internet problems.
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Tammy,
I'm glad that's how you roll.
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Leenie,
Well, he doesn't call himself "Genius" for nothing. I anticipate a sudden surge in smarts when it comes time for him to do his first load of laundry.
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Linda,
Um, that is called cerebral hypoxia, and can result in a person thinking she has lost vision in both eyes, when, in fact, she is looking at a blank billboard.
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Carol,
I love the logic-making-sense theme. I have a little arsenal of Genius misspeaks that I hold in reserve. And some of his faulty logic conversations I put on the blog to illustrate his absurdity. Unfortunately, he thinks I am proving his points.