As a Matter of Fact, I DO Have a Question

I am fit to be tied.

Okay, so one does not have to be very fit in order to be tied. But I am suitable for trussing. In addition, you can knock me over with a feather, and butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

The Pony and I arrived home at the same time as Hick, having stopped to torture ourselves with the weekly shopping. We were still putting away our bounty when Hick came through the kitchen door. He saw that work was in progress, and walked on through to the front door, proclaiming that HE would gather the eggs tonight. Hick came right back in, holding a paper.

"Look here. It says, 'Sorry I missed you. You can call if you have any questions.' Huh."

It was a Xeroxed or Canoned or Kyoceraed copy of a political candidate's manifesto. From the looks of it, that copier was sorely in need of toner. But the most egregious insult in this blatant attempt to hunt down votes one by one was the fact that we live in a private association. That means we have signs at both entrances to our compound, declaring that THIS IS A PRIVATE ASSOCIATION. No Soliciting. No Trespassing. I may come from a line of simple country stock, but I think this means we don't want no 'lectioneers lollygaggin' up in these here parts.

I won't reveal the candidate's name. Nor the party affiliation. Nor the district. But it was for the Missouri House of Representatives race. Furthermore, we do not live in this candidate's district. So the minions were barking up the wrong tree. Apparently, a candidate who would send out workers with badly-photocopied information on his campaign would not spring for a GPS so the volunteer workers would know if they were within district boundaries. It stands to reason that one would become disoriented while trespassing on the privately-maintained gravel thoroughfares of a private homeowners' association.

This episode has unfurled two red flags and run them to the top of my flagpole. Given the shoddy wad of information stuffed into my doorjamb, with a handwritten note at the top, did the actual candidate himself stop by? And if so, would I want to vote for a person who blindly disregards the posted privacy rights of others? Flag number two, whipping in the chill wind, begs the question of whether this is a simple scam by ne'er-do-wells to case a joint and determine whether the owner is home. With a plan to come back another day to liberate the owner's property and liquidate it forthwith.

I've half a mind to CALL that number listed on the flyer. "Yes. This is Val Thevictorian. You stopped by my place yesterday and left a flyer in the door. It said to call if I had any questions. I do. WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE GET OFF TRESPASSING IN A PRIVATE ASSOCIATION?

The other half of my mind says to let it lay. Like the lazy dogs on my porch, who won't even bite a solicitor on the buttocks.