That's Not a Regular Item on my Shopping List

I had a day off from school today. That's because we stayed late Tuesday and Thursday for parent conferences. A total of nine hours late. And for that, we were rewarded with a day off. A school day, which totals seven hours and fifteen minutes if you count the latest time we may arrive, and the earliest time we may leave. We need to get a math teacher on the calendar committee.

A day off is never really a day off for Val. It's just a day of different duties that need doing. The plan was to pay some bills and complete the shopping. My faithful assistant, The Pony, was not available. He spent the night at Grandma's, and was no doubt laying on her couch, being fanned with palm leaves, and fed seedless grapes while hearing what a smart and handsome and helpful boy he is. Genius has never been a good gofer. But if you need anything electronic tweaked or taken out of the box and set up to run in 3.5 seconds, he's your guy. He appeared as I was getting ready to leave.

"While you're at Walmart, will you buy me a syringe?"

Thank goodness I had not yet procured my 44 oz. Diet Coke. A clip-show-worthy spit-take might have befouled my laptop. Genius always says I blow everything out of proportion. This request was no exception. Even though I uttered no words. A minimum-wage haircutter once told me I had very expressive eyes. Right after she butchered my tresses. So I'm thinking the horrific nature of this request registered in my facial expression.

"Yeah, Mom. I'm shooting heroin."

"I can't walk into Walmart and pick up a syringe! Those are behind the counter in the pharmacy! And you have to have a prescription or something. Or get it with diabetes medicine."

"Dad is diabetic. Tell them that."

"He takes a pill. I am NOT going to ask for a syringe! Why do you need a syringe? You panic when you get a shot."

"My printer has an ink clog. I want to shoot air into it to unclog it."

"Don't we have a can of air?"

"We used up our air. And besides, that straw isn't thin enough for where I want to stick it."

"How about a baby medicine plastic syringe thing? Like you use to shoot liquid medicine down a baby's throat?"

"That won't be pointy enough, probably. Maybe something for cooking."

"That would be like a big turkey baster. Definitely not pointy enough."

"I guess you can get me a small can of air."

Let the record show that our Walmart only stocks large cans of air. But they DO have a flavor injector on the cooking gadget aisle. Which looks like a syringe, with a separate needle attachment that looks all pointy. Until you open the package, and see that the holes in that needle are on the sides, not the tip.

Heroin shooters, take note.