Friday, December 24, 2021

I'm Dreaming of a Right Hickmas

Good thing I was too tired on Christmas Eve eve for our nightly episode of This Is the Time We Talk About the Most Recent Thing You've Done Wrong! We might still be sitting there, Hick in his recliner, and me on the short couch.

I was tired from getting up early (8:00 a.m.!!!) to take my special Chex Mix to my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel. I only had 2 hours sleep. Maybe 2.5 if you count the times I nodded off while watching TV. We got back home around noon, and I commenced deviling 24 eggs, and making a tub of potato salad. Those are the dishes I am assigned to take to the Christmas Eve shindig at the home of my sister the ex-ex-mayor's wife.

I was done around 4:00, but too tired to wash up all those dishes. I went to lie down for a nap, and got a text from The Pony that he was getting off work, and had plans before coming home. Seems like I'd just drifted off to sleep when my phone buzzed with another text from The Pony at 5:17, that he was starting home. So I got up to start running his bath in the big triangle tub in the master bathroom. It takes a while.

Hick was out delivering the Oreo Cakes and Chex Mix I'd made earlier in the week, to HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) and The Veteran. They also got some cash and scratchers in a card, some Oberle cheese and sausage, and some crackers. I don't know if Hick was as tired as I was. Probably not. Though he should have been exhausted from HELPING ME! As with most help from Hick, he gave it his own special touch.

First of all, Hick volunteered to go by the store when he went to town for his donuts at 8:00, and buy the meat he will be grilling on Christmas Day. So helpful, our Hick. I also asked him to pick up bananas and a bag of yellow onions. Hick returned with a bag of white onions.

"Thems what you wanted, right? White onions?"

"No. I specifically told you to get YELLOW onions."

"I picked up the white onions, and almost put them back, thinking you said yellow onions. But then I knew I was right, so I got them."

"White onions are hotter than yellow onions."

"It won't matter none in potato salad."

"Yes, it will. I'll use the sweet onions I have for that. I was going to roast these with the carrots and potatoes and bacon. I don't know how they'll turn out. I always use yellow onions."

"Okay. Where's that tub of Chex you told me to use for SoAndSo's gift? This one here. You said the one on top, with the reindeers."

"NO! That is NOT the one with reindeers. You took it yesterday. That is one for The Veteran's family."

"I didn't take no Chex tub yesterday. You cain't remember nothin'!"

"I know I was sitting right here, and pointed to it, and you took it!"

"I did not put no Chex tub in the car with the cakes!"

"I don't know what you did with it, but you DID take it!"

"No I didn't."

Heavy sigh from me. I stood up. Looked towards the door, and saw the reindeer Chex tub sitting on Hick's chair on the other side of the kitchen table.

"Obviously, you DID. Because there it is, right there on your chair. You're welcome."

THEN we started on our 35-minute journey to Mabel's. It's a curvy road. Hick drives A-Cad as fast as he can, sweaving onto the wake-up bumps cut into the sideline. A couple times I heard things shift in the back. I tried to put it out of my mind. In the back was a gift bag with Mabel's cows (CowParade Cows, for her birthday and Christmas), and three of the giant metal tins Hick bought instead of my plastic Chex Mix tubs.

When we got there, Hick went around to get the stuff out of the back while I had a brief tussle with my knees to get out of the car and stretch. 

"Huh. One of the lids came about half off."

"WHAT? Did it spill? How did that happen? You know the metal lids don't snap shut."

"I just set the box in there. They was on their sides in the box."

"You didn't set them FLAT? Who does that? They were only in the box because they wouldn't stack on the table. I didn't mean to transport them on their side in a box! Did it spill out?"

"Yeah. Some."

"That is such a waste! You can't save it?"

"Well. It's just in this box. So I think I can."

Most often, the holidays are easier without Hick's help...


  1. Seems like Hick helps everyone but you.

    I'd never heard of yellow onions...but I always knew that England was an island.

    Merry Christmas.

    1. Wait a minute... I'm starting to see a pattern! It only took me 32 years. It's worse because Hick SAYS he is helping me.

      I always use yellow onions in my roasted vegetables. Until this year. The white onions seemed really thin, but the taste was okay on the segment I tried after roasting.

      I am guessing that England is STILL an island, and if it isn't, somebody needs to tell me! Since I was left out of the loop last time.

      Merry Christmas! I'm off to win some games at the shindig at the house of my sister the ex-ex-mayor's wife.

  2. How can Hick be so helpful to others and just not get it right for you - ever? Does he think it doesn't matter because you're his spouse? Good grief! Well, I hope you win some games tonight and have a nice Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas. I do enjoy your blog, sometimes maybe a little too much. :) Ranee (MN)

    1. I wish I knew! It's not like he refuses to help when asked, or even like he does it wrong on purpose so I'll stop asking. I guess he thinks he knows it all. He could have written down the YELLOW onions. Or sent me a text with it so he'd have a record of it on his phone. I was in the basement in my OPC (Old People Chair) when he left, and my phone doesn't work out there for me to text him.

      The games were entertaining, and I won my share. More, according to the ex-ex-mayor.

      I'm glad you enjoy my blog, but I hope it's not a new vice! Not something you need to quit in your New Year's resolutions!

  3. I think next time you need to stack things in the car yourself to be sure they are they right way.
    I don't think I have ever seen yellow onions. Here we have white, brown and red, plus shallots and the thin green and white spring onions.

    1. Well, that would defeat the purpose of asking Hick to help! But at least the stuff would be placed right.

      I might have to put up a picture of the mysterious yellow onion! Maybe you call it a brown onion. I think of our brown onions as just a white onion in a brown skin. I don't know what a shallot is, despite years of viewing cooking shows.

    2. white onion in a brown skin, but a slightly milder bit than the white onion in a white skin which we rarely see anymore.

    3. These were definitely in a white skin, but I used them all in the roasted veggies, before getting a picture. In a few days I'll show the "exotic" yellow onion!

  4. If we want to get technical, England is one of the countries in the island known as the UK (United Kingdom). The other countries are Scotland in the North and Wales in the West. I'm not sure if Wales is considered part of England or a separate country, ditto Scotland, but to me they are separate. Ireland is a whole separate island and I don't know if it is part of the UK and I can't be bothered finding out.

    1. Hick has been to Wales for his job. I think that's where the only pictures he sent were of the bathroom. No scenery. He didn't think of it.

      The Pony has tried to straighten me out on which are parts of the UK, but I seem to have a mental block when it comes to geography!

  5. Vidalia onions are the sweetest. Texas claims to have a similar sweet onion, but Vidalias are the best, hands down. It is the soil they grow in found only in Vidalia, Georgia. They are trade marked! I have found them in every state we have lived in during the growing season. They are shipped out from Vidalia. They are so mild and sweet, I have seen people actually eat them like an apple. Shallots are very mild with just a hint of onion taste. I have grown them in my garden, I like them in soups and stews. HeWho will tell you he has never eaten them, along with many other things, but he is wrong!

    1. Yes, I LOVE the Vidalias! That's what I always get, and when they're not available at Country Mart, I get the same type of bag that's labeled as "Sweet Onions." So I figure they're the same kind, but grown outside of Vidalia. Save A Lot only has yellow onions, or white onions.

      I also love this song by Sammy Kershaw: Vidalia. Which has the lyric, "Sweet Vidalia, you always gotta make me cry."