Tuesday, October 20, 2020

It's Not the Snow, Rain, Heat, or Gloom of Night That I'm Worried About

It's Sunday afternoon. I mailed my Bad Ticket to the offices of the Missouri Lottery in Jefferson City a few hours ago. I wrapped it in a nicely-typed business letter, explaining the situation, and demanding requesting my rightful $25 winnings. I was cautiously optimistic that, barring Creach thievery, I would be receiving a check in about 10 days.

UNTIL I dropped my letter in the mailbox.

Let the record show that I prefer to do my mailing at the main post office over in Sis-Town. There's something about the Dead-Mouse-Smelling Post Office, located about 7 miles from home, that doesn't sit well with me. It could be the smell. It could be the counter worker who pushed special stamps on me, which gave me 4 less stamps than a regular book of flag stamps, and refused to take them back for a refund the next day. We are not simpatico, the DMSPO and Val.

Anyhoo... I DO mail things from that location, if there's no pressing time constraints. For example, bills that are still 10 days or more from their due date, but not Genius's weekly letters, or my DISH bill.

The outside mailbox has a little drive-thru lane on a side street across from the DMSPO, beside a tiny park. It's a city park, with a small fountain that shoots out of a fake rock WHEN the city decides to let it flow. There might be one picnic table in that tiny park. Maybe two benches. I rarely see people there, unless the fountain is on, and moms take toddlers to look at it or maybe stick their feet in. I always make a U-turn after dropping my mail in that mailbox, to get back out to the main street in front of the DMSPO.

Anyhoo... the wind was blowing strongly on Sunday. I kept a good grip on my Bad Ticket envelope as I dropped it into the snout of the mailbox. 


My Bad Ticket envelope didn't DROP into the mailbox! Instead of the skittering sound and then the "snick" as it landed on other mail... I heard NOTHING. It was like I let go of my Bad Ticket envelope, and it barely traveled two inches. WELL! That's no good!

Normally, I would reach my hand into the snout, and pull my envelope out, and toss it towards the back of the snout's throat. Just to make sure it went all the way into the mailbox's gullet. Only this time, there was a large black SUV behind me, waiting its turn to mail a letter or bill.

No way was I going to reach my arm into the mailbox's snout and pull out an envelope! Even my OWN envelope, if I could sense it by the touch. The driver behind me would likely take a picture and report me to the U.S. Postal Inspector! As a MAIL THIEF!

I drove on, making my U-turn. Hoping that driver behind me didn't reach in to pull out my Bad Ticket envelope. There was a lot of mail piled up in there. It will take TWO large white post office bins to hold all that mail for carrying back into the DMSPO.

Now I'm worried that when the postal worker retrieves the mail from the box on Monday, my Bad Ticket envelope will blow away!


  1. I am sure it is a safe as my required mail in Jersey vote.

    1. Don't scare me like that! Now I think I should have taken my special ticket to the lottery office IN PERSON!

  2. Stop your worrying, Even Steven is looking after that envelope for you.

    1. I worry that Even Steven might be "EVENing" me after that big casino win in July!

  3. I think you will reap what you sowed with that ticket. You deserve the winnings.