Actually, Hick's home brew was ready on Friday. He decided not to go to the auction that night. I don't think it had anything to do with his beer. It was a messy, snowy day. Maybe this isn't such a good auction. It's not like he doesn't go to three other ones during the week.
Anyhoo...Hick had mentioned earlier that his beer would be ready on Friday. That's because I thought he was neglecting it, and asked if it needed tending. I think his actual words were:
"I think I'll get it cold and try one Friday night."
Well, he forgot about the cold part. He came back from his Friday gallivanting and put a new pump in the big triangle bathtub in the master bathroom. I heard him thumping around upstairs. Then he stumped down the basement steps. I heard the squeak of the workshop door, and figured he was getting his beer to carry upstairs. After I heard him go up and settle in his La-Z-Boy, I sent him a text about supper, and asked if he'd be having his beer with it.
"Oh. I guess I need to come down and get some to cool them off."
Apparently, he had been returning tools to the workshop. Apparently, not tools that one would use to fix a squeak on the workshop door.
Anyhoo...we had a Walmart deli pizza for supper, and Hick popped open a Coke Beer. It was 3/4 gone by the time I went to sit on the short couch to chat with him.
"How's that beer?"
"Good."
"What's it taste like?"
"Beer."
"I mean, like what brand of beer would it compare to?"
"I don't know. Just beer. Here. Taste it."
"Uh...not sure if I want to do that. I'll smell it, though. Huh. It smells like Miller Lite."
"All beer smells the same."
"I don't think so."
"Try it."
"Maybe just a taste..."
I was pretty apprehensive, because I could see stuff floating in the bottom of the bottle. But I took one for the team, so I could give you a review of Hick's Coke Beer.
"Oh. It tastes like Miller Lite, too. Only a heavy Miller Lite. Maybe just a Miller. It has that same aftertaste. Like metal."
Let the record show that Val is no beer connoisseur, and has not imbibed since May 29, 1992. However, her beer palate has remained intact. I was shocked that Hick's brew tasted like a commercial product. Not sure what I had expected, but this was encouraging.
"Tastes like beer to me," said Hick, tilting the bottle. "I think I'll drink it down a little more, and then pour it out."
"Yeah. Didn't you strain it? I thought Genius bought a strainer."
"He did. I DID strain it. But it has those particles."
"Well. I'm not so sure how well you cleaned those bottles to start with. Where did you get them?"
"From my collection over in the BARn. I boiled them! They're clean."
"Meh. I'm not so sure what is beer particles, and what was from the bottles to start with."
Anyhoo...Hick drank one of his Coke Beers, and seemed none the worse for it. I have been feeling kind of icky for two days, but I doubt it was caused by letting some Coke Beer touch my tongue. Much as I would like to blame Hick for one more thing...
Miller's, "The Champagne of Bottled Beer" That's my brand. For some reason almost no restaurants have it. They all have Miller Lite, but never "The Champagne of Bottled Beer." Next time I'm out I will check if they serve Hick Coke Beer...can't be worse than a dirty water cocktail.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! If a restaurant serves Hick Coke Beer, you probably don't want to eat there. At least I assume it has an alcohol content, unlike a dirty-water cocktail.
DeleteThat Hick is a jolly right wing dinger. He dabbles in a little bit of everything. You are married to an almost reality star.
ReplyDeleteHick's antics would have viewers screaming that his reality show was staged! He's that unique.
DeleteMy brothers tried to make beer with lime KoolAid. Dad usually did a patrol for cigs, so they put the beer in the hot attic. Mom said it wasn't too bad. With my brothers, that would be a high compliment.
ReplyDeleteThat's a new one! I've heard of prison beer with orange peels and aftershave, fermenting in a black trash bag. But not lime KoolAid!
DeleteI do like a good cold beer with pizza on Friday night and have had home brew a few times, sometimes it is really good and sometimes I have had to just go to the sink and dump it out. Now I just have a Sam Adams and call it good. It is very cool that Hick has so many interests.
ReplyDeleteThe only things Hick fears are heights and hairless baby mice and moldy bread. Almost anything else is fair game.
DeleteI'm not sure if Hick will brew again. He still has 11 beers left. He might normally go through a six-pack over two months. Not a big drinker. Sometimes a Jack and Coke.
You can tell Hick from me that all beers do NOT smell the same. Hubby #1 used to drink XXXX (four X), fosters, and some other brand and I hated the differing stinks of all of them. Hubby #2 drank VB (Victoria Bitter) and it smelled lovely and malty. He no longer drinks.
ReplyDeleteHick is hard to convince!
DeleteI remember back in high school, Coors was all the rage. Not that I drank beer in high school, mind you. I was VALEDICTORIAN! But those who did had to get bootleg Coors, and buy it out of the trunk of someone's car. It was kind of like a real-life Smoky and the Bandit to get it around here, even though we're just west of the Mississippi River, the supposed cut-off territory for unpasteurized Coors back then.
As soon as Coors was available all over the country it suddenly became just ordinary. I think it was the beer drank by everyone in the football book North Dallas Forty so it became extra popular for a time.
DeleteAhh, those were the days. I also liked the movie. I doubt it could be made today. Yes, you always want something more if it's hard to get.
DeleteI think it is funny you were surprised his beer tasted like a commercial product. People were always shocked my sewing was like sewing factory clothing.
ReplyDeleteWell, we ARE talking about something HICK made. I have much experience with his handiwork. I would not have doubted the beer as much if you made it!
DeleteHubs had a friend who really got into brewing, and then gained so much weight it was crazy.
ReplyDeleteI guess we could make Hick Coke Lite Beer, by boiling out another dozen bottles, and diluting each one half full of our well water.
Delete