The Third Cut Is the Deepest

Hick has been driving me crazy (so uncharacteristic of him, I know, but try to suspend your disbelief momentarily). Every time I say something or have an opinion, it's WRONG!

Tuesday, we took T-Hoe to the doctor. Not Mick the Mechanic, Car Doctor (DON'T GET ME STARTED), but my people-doctor. The roads had a glaze of ice, and I was actually glad that Hick would be sweaving me. Ice skids must counteract his sweaving, because I don't notice it in inclement weather.

Anyhoo...I wanted to take T-Hoe, for the actual 4WD, rather than A-Cad, with the AWD. You know, so all four wheels could be pulling consistently on our hilly terrain, rather than grabbing hold in a spin. I've never had a problem with T-Hoe in ice and snow.

We pulled out of the gravel road down by the mailboxes, and started up that big hill where Hick is so proud of the SCHOOL BUS STOP AHEAD sign he asked the county to erect. (Heh, heh, you know what I said!) The road was a solid sheet of ice. T-Hoe worked like a champ. It was slow going, but we didn't spin.

"Whew! I'm so glad we have the four-wheel-drive!"

"It's not in four-wheel-drive."

"WHAT? I TOLD you to put it in four-wheel-drive as we were going out of the driveway!"

"It's fine, Val."

"Do you at least have it in AUTO, so it will switch to four-wheel-drive in a skid?"

"No. It's just in two-wheel."

"WHY do we have a four-wheel-drive vehicle if we don't even use it when we need it? It's one of the last things that works on T-Hoe!"

"I don't know why you get so worked up. It was fine."

"Yeah. Until it isn't."

THIS GUY DRIVES ME CRAZY!
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Leaving home on Wednesday morning, heading to the casino, we passed the neighbor's house at the top of Hick and Buddy's Badly Blacktopped Hill.

"Oh, look. Jim got a new Gator-thing. That red one. I saw it fly by the house the other day."

"What makes you think it's his?"

"Um. It's parked under his carport?"

"That doesn't mean it's his."

"Why would somebody else park a new Gator-thing under Jim's carport?"

"Do you see his truck?"

"No. He probably drove it to work."

"He has the work van for that."

"You are so hard-headed! If you see someone riding a new Gator-thing, and it's parked under his carport, I'm pretty sure it's his."

"I don't know. Maybe somebody else drove it down here and left it. Maybe he borrowed Jim's truck."

"Maybe Jim didn't drive the van home in the ice storm, because it's not good on ice. Maybe he watched the forecast, and took his truck to work yesterday and today, to pick up the van in town. But let's think up all the far-fetched ideas that would prove my logical assumption wrong."
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On the interstate highway, headed down south to the casino, we saw several sections of the safety cables mowed down, and several cars off the side of the road.

"Huh. I guess it must have been pretty slick along here, even though there's not much accumulation in the fields."

"Yeah. Hey! I wish you'd get away from this truck. He'll need over here. He's gonna ride right up on that car in front of him."

"That's HIS problem."

"No, YOU are the problem. You and that stupid cruise control. I don't know what kind of game you play. It can't be that hard to break it and start it again. YOU are the reason people have road rage. Quit driving beside him in the fast lane. Back off and get behind, or go around him already."

"Val. You have NO IDEA how I drive!"

"Uh. I'm pretty sure that I do."
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A few miles post-truck, I could see the side of the road again. Hick commented on a white subcompact car sitting at an angle on the grassy swath past the shoulder.

"Looks like that one spun out on the ice."

"Well. I don't think so. I think a guy just decided to park his crappy dented car there when it ran out of gas."
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Two can play Hick's game, you know.