Waitin' at the Car Wash Blues

Val can't write a song or sing like Jim Croce, but she can tell you about the car wash blues.

On Thursday, Hick swove A-Cad to the city so we could cash in my big scratcher winner. On the way back home, we met my sister the ex-mayor's wife and her husband at our second-favorite casino for lunch and some slots. Hick decreed that we leave at 2:00, so we could miss rush hour traffic for our one-hour drive home. I was even two minutes early for departure!

We were about halfway home, southbound on a major interstate, when we noticed traffic backing up on the northbound side. Having swoven this route for over 25 years, Master Sweaver Hick said,

"It doesn't take long to back up. That's going to take along time to clear."

"Yeah. Our side will probably back up, just from the gawkers."

"It happens."

We still had about six miles to go before turning onto our other interstate for the last half of our journey. Going past an exit ramp, I said,

"Now that we're past the exit, I'm surprised you didn't stop for a free car wash."

[Let the record show that we bought A-Cad from a dealer in the area of Hick's Work Town. Part of the perks of the purchase was free car washes as long as we owned the car. Sometimes Hick would drive A-Cad to work, just to get the car wash on his way home. Whenever A-Cad goes to the city, he usually gets a car wash.]

"We're not past it yet. It's the NEXT exit."

"We don't need a car wash today. We might get stuck in traffic if we stop. It's getting closer to rush hour down here. And the gawkers might be looking at that accident on the other side."

"Yeah, I think I'll get a car wash."

"NO! That's why I waited until we were past the exit. I don't WANT a car wash. Is it really that dirty?"

"Yes."

Hick signaled to leave the highway. We went down the outer road to the car dealership. Hick drove A-Cad around back to the car wash.

"Look out! Don't run over that guy."

"He's just a salesman."

"Still. Don't run over him!"

Hick turned toward the car wash. There were six cars already in line!

"See? We don't really need a car wash today. This will take forever."

"It's fine, Val. It won't take that long."

Of course it did. We sat in line, idling, for 35 minutes! You can probably imagine what a scintillating conversationalist Hick is. Most of the time was spent in a disagreement over how cars qualify for the free car wash. There was a sign on the building that said only cars marked with the dealership name (I forget the exact wording) were allowed in the car wash.

"So they have to have it on the back like that? The sticker thing that looks like it's painted on there?"

"No. They could just have a license plate holder."

"I don't think so! They you could use it on all your cars, and get them all washed for free."

"They sell other car brands. Look there's some Toyotas."

"Still. I think they have to have the name on the actual car. Anyway, what are they going to do, have someone run out and say, 'Wait a minute! You didn't buy that car here! Get out of line NOW!' Are they going to reach in and grab the driver? I don't see how they can enforce this unless they screen all cars before they let them in line."

"Yeah. I don't see how they can stop it."

Whew! Finally it was our turn. As we were pulling away from the automatic air dryers, Hick remembered that I hadn't reminded him that he needed to stop and buy some screws for Hick House.

Our one-hour trip home took two hours. All because I had to mention the free car wash.