Sunday, September 25, 2016

Wench Tried to Run Me Over!

Let the record show that Val has no bone to pick with Save A Lot. Most of the time. Sure,there's that recent unpleasant business of their Grade A Large Eggs lately, what with them turning up not-so-fresh a mere week after being boiled, a mere week after their expiration date, when in the past, they have remained tasty for months after that date.

Today I stopped in just for a minute. Hick mentioned yesterday that he would like some spaghetti with meat and mushrooms in the sauce. "I hated that stuff The Pony liked." Meaning pasta from Walmart's deli area, such as Chicken Tortellini, or Four Cheese, or Italian Sausage. Never mind that Val does not cotton to long spaghetti noodles. She can whip up another dish for herself.

So...I stopped for some shredded lettuce (never know when you'll get the urge for Super Nachos), canned mushrooms (even though I have the real ones in Frig II), hamburger (Save A Lot has their own butcher, and really good meat not injected with water like Walmart's), Sno*Caps (they don't carry them), and a TV dinner (because sometimes Val doesn't feel like spending 30 minutes making herself Super Nachos).

At the counter, I noticed that one bag of my two shredded lettuces was already turning brown. That's no good! The date was October 2nd. I sure didn't want to buy something that was rotten. I don't know how much that shredded lettuce cost, because I am so wealthy I don't look at prices I already threw away the receipt. But I'm sure it would have been enough money saved to buy a 44 oz Diet Coke, from Orb K if not from the gas station chicken store.

Let the record show that this was one of the young checkers, not the seasoned Methuselah's granddaughter with coal-black hair. She looked at me like I had two heads (maybe it was just my coal-black hair, fresh from a box of L'Oreal only this morning, though it said Dark Brown). You'd think I had squeezed that shredded lettuce trying to turn it into coal, the way she looked at me.

"I don't know what you want to do with it, but I really don't want to buy it, since it's already turning brown."

She stuffed it under the counter, probably to put back on the shelf, even though I have not noticed this practice at Save A Lot, but have seen it just down the road a piece at Country Mart. She rang up my items and gave me change from my twenty. While waiting for it, I noticed a penny on the floor. Last week I also found a penny on the floor, right there at that same check-out in Save A Lot. It's the one I always go to, on the end. Also last week, I found a penny on the parking lot of the gas station chicken store, right on the blacktop parking lot by T-Hoe's driver's door as I was getting back in.

I don't stoop to pick up pennies because I need them, being so wealthy that they are insignificant to my fortune but because you know that saying, "Find a penny, pick it up, all the day you'll have good luck." I'm a pretty lucky person anyway, but may it's because of these pennies! Besides, I can always use the pennies to hand over correct change, as I like to do, for my 44 oz Diet Coke.

Today must have been my lucky day, because as soon as I bent over (not something Val enjoys doing, but it IS becoming easier, what with her cutting back lately) that there was another penny on the floor at the end of the conveyor. I had already moved the cart with my groceries the checker put in it, and had put my shopping cart over in its place for her next customer's groceries. She handed me my bills and coins, and I stuffed them in my pocket.

"I'm just going to pick up this penny here..."

As I bent over to grasp it between my left thumb and forefinger,


She grabbed that cart I had parked exactly like the other one before it, and yanked it toward her, then shoved it back. WTFNH? (What The Freakin' Not-Heaven?)

"Oops! You almost got me!"

"Oh. Sorry."

Guess that'll learn me to buy the spoiled lettuce next time.


  1. Or leave those pennies and only stoop over for anything from a dime on up.

    1. But they look so lonely on the ground! I can't leave them. Even if it means unwanted exercise for me.

  2. I don't pick up pennies anymore. They don't buy anything and it isn't worth the strain on my back. Nickels I still pick up.

    1. Your back, my knees...together, we might make one functioning human.

  3. Sorry? She probably meant she's sorry she ALMOST got you. Next time, she'll try harder.

  4. Yeah, I'm with Sioux, wench wasn't sorry AT ALL!

  5. Well, I hope that after all of that you were able to enjoy your dinner...

    1. If you are partial to a bowl of spaghetti sauce with one piece of cheese bread on the might have enjoyed it yourself.