Tuesday, March 29, 2016

The Less Val Knows, the Better

Don't go thinking Hick is frittering away our future backyard-rock retirement nest egg by squandering a dollar on two dollars worth of pennies and three dead mice. He also gets things for free. And by free, I mean...um...I suspect him of...perhaps...you didn't hear it from me...GRAND LARCENY!

Last weekend, he hitched up his trailer and took it to work Saturday. You never know what Hick is up to. That one time he brought home the free hot tub that belonged to his boss's recently-deceased father. I was not such a big fan of that hot tub, so I don't even want to know what Hick will be bringing home next. Except he parked that darn trailer out front, by the new carport I didn't want, right where I see it after backing out of the garage each morning.


This past weekend, Hick was working up a storm out there by the carport. We'll get into that another time. But as I went to town Friday (when Hick was off work just like me!), I put down T-Hoe's window and asked him, "What is that you've got now?"

"Pipes! Those are worth about $100 dollars apiece!"

"How did you pay for them?" We have an ongoing battle concerning credit vs debit.

"I didn't! They were FREE!"

"How's that?"

"I got them at work."

"Your boss just gave you a bunch of pipe for free?"

"No. They weren't from MY work. I got them at work. From the lot up behind us."

"Who gave them to you?"

"Nobody. I went and loaded them up."

"Um. I believe that is called STEALING."

"No, Val. I told my immediate boss that I was going to get them. He said he didn't care."

"Yet they were not his to give."

"No. But they've been there over three years. And that contractor guy that was doing the work there before? He died. It was in the paper."

"Still. I don't think they were up for grabs."

"I don't know why not. Nobody has wanted them for three years. So I picked them up."

Let the record show that I was done with that conversation. And that the lumber stuffed inside one of the purloined pipes did not escape my attention. I waited until I got back home to ask about the two-by-fours.

"Pony! Those boards in Dad's free pipe? Did you guys buy them?"

"Uh huh. When we went down to Lowe's on Thursday night."

"You took that whole trailer full of pipe down there?"

"Uh huh. Dad didn't want to unload it or unhitch it."

Okay. At least The Pony is not yet an accomplice.



14 comments:

  1. Hick's not a thief. He's a sprucer-upper. He is making the neighborhood (around his work) look nicer. Those pipes were an eyesore. He was doing a favor for the community.

    Shame on you. Most women would give their right arm for a husband who likes to make things nice. Shame, shame, shame.

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    1. Most women wouldn't have to worry about their right arm being taken by their husband because it's FREE.

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  2. How would Hick react to, oh, say--another sprucer-upper who helped clear out some of the "debris" cluttering up the fringe-ish regions of his property? Would that be better than dead branch dumpers?

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    1. Hick would not like anybody cleaning up HIS junk because it's been there for three years and nobody said they couldn't. He'd get out the shotgun and the buckshot to remind them that he ain't dead yet.

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  3. Interesting! I've been in the market for a long plastic pipe, maybe a PVC pipe. I want to store my large painting in it but plastic is still too heavy so now I'll probably buy a Sonotube which is made of cardboard and used for concrete molds. Maybe Hick could find me one of those?

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    1. I'm pretty sure Hick could find anything--for FREE!!

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    2. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Hick can find anything you want. As long as it's not parts to fix The Pony's AC and HEAT in his truck, or the pump to make the free hot tub work again.

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  4. Can't wait to see what he uses the pipes for .... a pipe shed?

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    1. Maybe a tunnel to connect all of his sheds!

      No idea why we need those drainage pipes. We sit high on top of a hill, like a tornado magnet, on solid bedrock with about 2 inches of soil. Never had a leaky basement or BARn. High and dry.

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  5. They look like real good pipes though...shame nobody wanted them for three years.

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    1. And too dang bad if anybody wants them now!

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  6. Those kind of look like sewer hoses to me. Is he sure they were new, not used?

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    1. I think they are weathered. According to Hick, there was nothing constructed yet on that lot, just these pipes and some other stuff laying around. Which may or may not make an appearance on Hick's trailer in the future.

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    2. And surely you don't think a used sewer hose would matter to a man who buys three dead mice for a dollar at the auction...

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