Wednesday, March 23, 2016

A Somewhat Questionable Way Run a Business

Last week, when The Pony had activities after school, he wanted me to pick up a cheese pizza for his supper and later lunches. Being a thrifty sort (unless 44 oz Diet Cokes and lottery tickets are involved), Val balked at spending $11.84 on a medium cheese pizza from Pizza Hut.

On the Pizza Hut website, I saw that the local franchise had a special for two medium pizzas with up to three toppings for $6.99 each. You can’t always count on that, because the local store sometimes quite rudely tells you, “We don’t honor that.” Mostly in response to national commercials promoting specific deals. What if that’s a racket? What if NONE of the franchises honor those deals? I cry shenanigans.

So…the plan was that if I couldn’t get it cheaper than $11.84, I would get one from Dominos for the midweek special price of a large for $7.99.

I called in the order for pickup, and asked about specials. The girl who answered the phone said that yes, they had the special for two medium pizzas for $6.99 each. So I figured I’d get The Pony’s cheese pizza, and one for Hick, since I had leftovers planned for my supper. I started giving my order, but the girl stopped me.

“You have to have a topping.”

“I don’t want a topping. I want a cheese pizza. Leave off the topping.”

“No. I can’t give you a cheese pizza. It has to have up to three toppings.”

“I don’t know why not. You’re just leaving off the topping.”

“It’s part of the deal. I can only give it to you if you have toppings.”

So I tried to think what would be easiest to pick off. I decided on sausage and green pepper. I could have the green pepper with leftover meatloaf, and I could put the sausage on Hick’s. So I got Hick a pepperoni, bacon, and beef thin crust, along with the pan pizza carrying unwanted sausage and peppers on top for The Pony.

I got to the window with my money ready. $15.22. Yes. I know it was more than $11.84, but it was TWO pizzas, by cracky! With at least two meals for Hick for that extra $3.38. An older lady slid open the window. Not the young voice I talked to. I handed her my money. She left and came back.

“Do you have a coupon?”

“No. Do I need one? Nobody told me anything about a coupon. I saw that offer on the website. It didn’t say anything about a coupon.”

“You can’t get two medium pizzas for $15.22.”

“That’s what the girl told me on the phone. She’s the one who gave me the total. That’s how I knew to have that exact change.”

“Well, that’s the online ordering price.”

I just looked at her. Blankly. Because I was starting to think these folks were batpoop crazy. She turned to the girl ringing up an order.

“Did you give her this price on two medium pizzas?” Of course she knew that was the truth, because I’m pretty sure their computer shows who took the order and what the total was. The girl affirmed that she did. The cranky lady came back. “I’ll give it to you for this price. But you can’t order that on the phone. It has to be an online order.” She acted like she was doing me a favor. When all I had done was call in, ask about specials, receive that price quote, and order.

I did not even thank her when she handed me the pizzas, as I normally would have done, even for an overpriced $11.84 pizza. No sirree, Bob! You don’t grill Val Thevictorian over improprieties in pizza price when she has done nothing but be a customer. You’re darn tootin’ they’ll give it to me for $15.22, or I’ll drive away and pay nothing after they’ve already made the pizzas. By cracky, I’ll make them EAT that pizza! Heh, heh. I crack myself up sometimes.

Seriously. How much cheaper is it for them to sell two medium pizzas over the internet than over the phone? EXACTLY! I’m sure they don’t hire a person only to take phone orders. It’s not like I was coming in at 11:00 a.m. every day, ordering two mediums in person, sitting around until closing time getting drink refills, using their toilet paper, causing excess wear and tear on their carpet and chair.

How much cheaper is it to put up to three toppings on a pizza rather than just make it with NO toppings? It’s not like I asked for extra cheese. All I expected was the crust, sauce, and normal cheese, before anything else would be added.

I think Pizza Hut hires a consultant to give seminars on how to be a butthole.

Val Thevictorian will always honor advertised specials at her proposed handbasket factory.

13 comments:

  1. The pizza hut people obviously did not understand the offer as relates to the toppings. UP to 3 means 0, 1,2,or 3...but you probably know that. I would have made my order, "@ medium pies with sausage, mushrooms, and pepperoni, and hold the sausage, mushrooms and pepperoni." If they did not accept the deal, I would have just driven off as well.

    Arguing with stupid people is like just talking to yourself...wait...I mean...never mind.

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    1. I'm not exactly sure what Joe said, but I think I agree!!

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    2. Now that I think about it...I think she said I had to have at least two toppings. Because otherwise, I would not have picked the green peppers, which were just another thing for ME to remove.

      I don't have to argue with myself. I have Hick!

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  2. Why didn't you just ask for triple cheese? A cheese pizza with more cheese for one topping, and even more cheese for the other topping...

    Papa Johns gives a 25% discount for those over 55...

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    1. She made it clear that a CHEESE pizza was not allowed. Like that cheese is made of gold.

      Our Papa Johns went out of business. And not because Thevictorians didn't single-handedly try to keep them in business. Musta been a lot of old fogies soaking up their profits...

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  3. I think Jack Nicholson had something of this same problem once in a movie. Can't think of the name of it.

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    1. That's what I was thinking as I drove home. Something about "I'd like you to hold it between your knees!" I can see the clip in my head. Not sure of the movie.

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  4. Similar issues here with Imo's. Then went to McD's and ordered a sausage egg biscuit, but hold the sausage. Three times the girl went on and on until I screamed, "Put the sausage on and I'll toss it on the parking lot."

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    1. When Hick picks up Subway, he tells the girl that he doesn't want cheese on the tuna salad, but he wants that sandwich's cheese put on the Cold Cut Trio. She argues with him but does it anyway. Because I don't want cheese, but Hick says, "I'll be darned if I let them get away with not putting cheese on a sandwich."

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  5. Oh, I would have had my cheese only pizza! I would have demanded to see the manager. Wait, you were probably dealing with management ....... You should complain on line to the corporation. They will probably send you a coupon for your trouble. Then you can take the coupon for your free pizza and tell her how you got it .... AFTER the pizza has been made, of course.

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    1. Yeah, I'm thinking the older lady was the manager. That's an idea. They NEVER want to honor the deals there.

      Of course I know enough to wait until after the pizza has been made. But then I can't go there for a while. They will have a note in my permanent record! Or I'll have to call from The Pony's phone to throw them off my trail.

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  6. If they aren't charging extra for those toppings, order them on the side to go. Make soup out of them for another meal.

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    1. Something tells me they'll have a rule about toppings on the side. Ordering there is like answering one of those logic questions: if this, then this.

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