Friday, January 23, 2015

Don't Look a Grocery List in the Mouth

This morning I picked up the note card on the table beside Hick's La-Z-Boy that I had used to start my shopping list two days ago. Okay. So my mind wandered. It only had two items on it so far. But they were crucial items that I did not want to forget.

The list was on a 3x5 index card. I put on my glasses to make sure I would later be able to understand what I had written. No indecipherable grocery lists for Val!

Wait. What WAS that? The upper right corner of the note card had a smudge on it. Kind of brownish. Not big. But it was not the pristine corner that was on my list-maker when I opened the brand new package of index cards two days ago.

ACK! The realization hit me like an unsanitary ton of bricks.

HICK HAD USED MY GROCERY LIST TO PICK HIS TEETH!

I don't have concrete proof. No hidden camera footage. But all circumstantial evidence points to my grocery list being Hick's dental floss.

Yeah. He's done this forever. Not with my grocery list, or even an index card. But with anything he can get his hands on to shove between his teeth. Except a toothpick, of course. Or flavored waxed dental floss. A matchbook cover here. A fortune cookie strip there.

I fear that Hick does not have even a rudimentary grasp of socially acceptable dental care protocol.

He's a picker. He's a grinner. He's a Val chagrinner. He picks his plaque on the run...

8 comments:

  1. I used to do that match book thing, but I quit smoking so now I floss.

    Hmmm a smudge on a grocery list I think that means baked beans on Mrs. C's list.

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  2. Well, as long as he doesn't snort his snot onto the ground with a forceful blow and one finger plugging one nostril...

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  3. But he's not a midnight runner, is he? (Unless you consider "running" is all that foot action with the razor-sharp nails while he sleeps.)

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  4. I hate yo think what my wife would do if I did that. She's probably push that list in my direction with a stick and make ME go do the shopping.

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  5. Let's face it, Val. Hick's just a good old boy and probably ain't nothin' goin' to change him.

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  6. joeh,
    Mrs. C is going to put hieroglyphics back in style.

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    Linda,
    Let the record show that he does not. Probably because he hasn't thought of it yet.

    *****
    Sioux,
    No midnight runner. That would be difficult for one such as he, who stumps around like he has no feet on the end of his ankles.

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    Stephen,
    Just desserts. No. I'm not saying you would deserve such a sentence. I'm saying you would come home from shopping with only desserts. I speak from the Hick experience.

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    Catalyst,
    Darn tootin'. You ain't a-woofin'. You're not blowin' smoke.

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  7. Replies
    1. Here's some. At least he didn't use my grocery list to pick his other end.

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