Tuesday, September 17, 2013

The Story of Vally Crappleseed

It has come to my attention, upon my recent travels through the blogosphere, that an earth-shattering change has taken place. Where once the landscape lay bare of Val-isms, there is now a lush carpet of Val's stylings. A virtual weblog rain forest dripping with bad grammar, made-up words, poor syntax, inopportune tense shifts, and sentences ending with prepositions.

Perhaps it is simply wishful thinking. The thought that folks want to emulate Val. Or at the very least, send her an emu late at night, to interrupt her REM sleep, and render her unable to spread her special brand of prose-without-rules from coast to coast. Border to border. Into space, the final frontier.

Like a New York cook named Mary dishing out hot typhoid, like a yawning Student Zero spreading lethargy throughout a seventh-hour late-August classroom, like Charles D. Campion releasing Captain Trips on the world via East Texas...Val has spread the seed of unconventional communication of the write kind. Which, while feeding her vast narcissism and hefty ego, is not necessarily a factual occurrence, or a good thing. Some might look upon her inflated claims as something else. Most eloquently stated as fifty pounds of crap in a ten-pound bag. The end of written entertainment as we know it.

A Valpocalypse, if you will, of literary proportions.

12 comments:

  1. Watch out every one of you reading this Val blog. Her sentences end with propositions! Have you gotten one yet?

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    1. Oh dear! Perhaps I should have left it, and added careless proofreading to the list as well. I'm sure that little slip had nothing to do with Freudian underwear.

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  2. Speaking of Johnny Appleseed...Have you read the book "The Botany of Desire" by Pollan? Being a science geek, it might pique your interest...

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  3. You ARE a writer; tell that boy of yours! The blogosphere knows.

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  4. A Valpocalypse? You might have invented a new word.

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  5. It must be difficult being Val. I don't worry about grammar too much, and I'm sure it shows.

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  6. Prose - some of the best reading you'll ever read. From one of my favorites:
    •You better not never tell nobody but God. The Color Purple - Alice Walker

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  7. Val the trend setter! Val's Stylings and Handbaskets will soon be listed on the New York Stock Exchange. Watch for it trading across a full range of equities and options soon.

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  8. I used to try to write grammatically correct sentences but I just don't care anymore. And making up new words? That is fun!

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  9. Sioux,
    Well, Madam, I see that now I am a piquer of Appleseed's.

    ****
    Linda,
    Thanks for humoring me. The Pony will not put me on a pedestal until I have a War and Peace with my name on it. I think I'll call mine: "War. What is it Good For?"

    ****
    Donna,
    Words around here barely recognize themselves in the mirror the next morning.

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    Stephen,
    I think you probably mean it must be difficult reading Val, what with her radical views that veer down the on ramp to merge with the turnpike leading to Inappropriateville.

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    knancy,
    It's been a while since I read that one.

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    Leenie,
    Watch for it. But don't lose your shirt!

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  10. Birdie,
    Exactly. I believe some people are missing my convoluted point that I rarely use proper grammar. And many others are now letting their unfettered freestyle flags fly. On purpose. Not by accident.

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  11. You are indeed a "Starr" now...

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