Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Val is Now Paying People to Buy Her Stock

My mom went to Arby's this afternoon, and picked up a bag of cheap sandwiches for us Thevictorians. She dropped them off at school, and told me of her adventure.

"I went to the counter, and it was that same man who messed up your order that one time and had to get somebody to clear the register. I asked if he still had those cheap sandwiches, and he said yes, every day. Somebody in the back hollered to ask him how much longer he had to work, and he said two weeks. I guess he's leaving."

"Did he ask you how that hole in your pants was doing?"

"No! But he asked if I had a name he could use for my order. So I told him. And then I said, 'Or you could just call me Dot.' And he said, 'Dot! I've never heard of that name!' So I let him call me Dot."

"You should just give him a fake name. He'll never know. You could even play around, like on The Simpsons. Tell him your name is Amanda Hugandkiss. Then he'll be yelling like Moe down at the tavern, 'Amanda Hugandkiss? I need Amanda Hugandkiss! Can anybody get me Amanda Hugandkiss?' Wouldn't that be funny?"

"Oh! I couldn't do that!"

"I bet Sis could do it. She might even say, 'Amanda. Amanda Hugandkiss. Be sure to use my last name. Because see that lady over there? I know her. Her name is Amanda, too. So make sure you call Amanda Hugandkiss.' Yeah. She would do that."

"You're going to get me in trouble one of these days."

I tried to pay Mom. "Here's ten dollars. For the sandwiches."

"You paid me last week, remember? When I said I'd pick them up today? Oh! Maybe I should learn to keep my mouth shut. I could have ten more dollars!"

Yep. Val is now the Negative-Ten-Dollar Daughter.


  1. Val the Valedictorian sounds much better than Val the Negative-Ten-Dollar Daughter.

  2. You are a real trouble maker, and now you're trying to entice your poor mom? ha ha you know what would have been funny? She should have said her name was Dot...Polka Dot.

  3. Val--Do not take ANY of Linda's advice. She's trouble with a capital T, and her husband Bill is the King of Trouble-- a #1 SD...

  4. Stephen,
    Yet both are hauntingly accurate in their description.

    And maybe she could have danced a little polka to prove it! While flashing a hole in the knee of her pants! She would be a fine addition to our stand-up comedy tour.

    If only Mom would follow my suggestions. I need to work on my subliminal presentation.

    He's that fork-stealer, right? Oops! I mean ALLEGED fork-stealer.