Well. I seem to be slipping in popularity with my students. It took until 5th hour for them to comment on my haircut. That is unheard of! Usually the adoration kicks off right after first bell. Perhaps they are still basking in my celebritydom, and not wanting to draw attention to themselves with an untimely inquiry.
This new coif makes me feel all special. Excuse me while I spin around and burst into song. Somebody get a helicopter, quick, to record some aerial shots.
"How do you solve a problem like my Juno?
How do you catch a borador and tie her down?
How do you change behavior in my Juno?
A Walmart-bag-sniffer, a yard-turkey chaser, a hound?
Many a thing you know I'd like to tell her.
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do I make her stay, and listen to all I say?
How do I keep her nose out of my mouth..."
Yes. You read that right. Nose. Mouth. Juno's nose. My mouth. Juno's nose was in my mouth!!! That can't be sanitary. No way. No how. Ugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get the hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine! Hey, it worked for Peanuts Lucy.
Juno got a little carried away during our lovefest upon my return from grocery shopping. Normally, she lays her head on my chest so that her nose is against my neck. Or under my chin. No, I'm not a contortionist, and Juno is not five feet tall. She stands on the side porch while I stand on the sidewalk to the garage.
I don't know what got into my sweet, sweet Juno. Instead of the loving, chuffing, hot dog breath on my throat, I was treated to a wet, rubbery, dog nose in my mouth. It was like an extra-large Jujube in texture, though not at all like a Jujube in taste.
I recoiled in horror! Had I just bitten into a dog's nose? It wasn't my fault, actually. I was talking at the time Juno made her move. And VOILA! Instant dog nose!
Do you have any idea where a dog's nose has been? If we were to take Google Street View and turn it into Dog Nose View, I'm sure we would be privy to shots of other dogs' anuses, dripping dogs' urethras, the waxy insides of other dogs' ears, the crusty corners of other dogs' eyes, logs of other dogs' poop, cow pies of the pasture kind, steaming innards of once-fluffy bunnies, liquified possum carcasses, and grass, lots of grass, to clear the canine nasal palate.
I hope that Juno's schnoz was not damaged. That I did not nick her with an incisor and drip my saliva into the cut. I wouldn't want my sweet, sweet Juno to succumb to a nose-eating infection.
A human mouth is full of bacteria, you know.