This old dog wants to be left alone to perform her well-mastered tricks. The routine does not need updating. Val is not interested in building a better mousetrap, or reinventing the wheel. In fact, if Val had her druthers, ten million monkeys would be enticed to roll ten million lumpy old stone-age wheels across ten million mouse paths, because the sun even shines on a flat mouse some days.
I was without my trusty supermarket sweeper, The Pony, this evening. Because we will be busy partying it up with my septuagenarian aunt on Sunday, I was forced to do my shopping alone. THE HORROR!
When I returned home, Hick graced me with his presence. Genius, who made a big show of carrying in groceries one time in front of his houseguest, puts Hick to shame. Hick usually disappears when the restocking wagon rolls into the garage. Today, he came to help. It was obvious that Hick was a novice.
He carried bags from the back of T-Hoe through the garage, up the steps, into the kitchen. Silly Hick. Bags go from T-Hoe to side porch. Once they are all on the side porch, they are carried in. This requires only one trip up the steps, not a plethora. When The Pony assists, he keeps bags going into the house as I am fetching them from the garage.
Imagine my surprise to find what Hick had done with the bananas. They were in a bag all alone. The Pony would have put them on the counter by the sink, just inside the kitchen door. That's where Hick keeps them. His breakfast staging area, easy to grab on his way out the door for work. But no. Hick carried them all the way around the counter, past the cutting block, to set them on the stove top.
But that's not his biggest transgression. Hick was in the kitchen with his bags. I put more on the side porch, and went back for the rest. That's when I heard it: "JUNO! STAY OUT OF THAT!"
Oh no he didn't! Hick berated my sweet, sweet dog Juno! My sweet silky soulmate who has never, EVER, gotten into the groceries. She might have stepped on the edge of a bag once, trying to get closer to me for petting. But she has NEVER nosed into our foodstuffs. Just the sound of crinkling plastic when her foot hit it made her shy away. And with Juno and Hick on the other side of T-Hoe and the garage wall, Hick had to assert his King of the House power and act like he was saving the groceries from a pillager.
What he forgets is that I have done this for more than 20 years without his assistance. Old dogs do not suffer new tricks lightly. It's easier alone.
I appreciate the thought. Not the effort. Around here, there's only one correct way to carry in groceries. But you probably knew that already.