Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Rotten to the Core

I have been getting by on four or five hours of sleep during the week. Unless I nod off in the recliner while watching the news, that is. It's not by design. Not a part of my master plan to try and take over the world. There are simply too many things I want to do. Things that are hampered by my full-time job. Not that I'm complaining. I've adapted. By sleeping four hours per night. From 1:00 to 5:00 a.m., whether I need that shut-eye or not.

That lifestyle is catching up with me. I have been finding myself a tad forgetful. Like last week when I could not, for the life of me, recall the name of that thing a teacher puts on the board to keep the students occupied and educated the first few minutes of class, while she's taking roll and signing absentee slips and doling out make-up work. I was grasping at straws like a week-day bathroom-break-restricted 44-oz.-Diet-Coke addict on a Friday evening. It was kind of important. I needed that word to fill out my pre-evaluation form before the administrator's scheduled visit. To forge ahead with the rest, I penciled in words that sounded similar to me. Barnstormer? Brainstarter? Boardwarmer? I stopped short of asking the students themselves. We may be partners in education, but we're not EQUAL partners. A couple of hours later, it came to me: BELLRINGER!

This afternoon, at the end of a strenuous day pulling science project ideas out of students like a coon hunter pulling porcupine quills out of an inquisitive hound, I plopped down at my school desk to wait for The Pony to finish with academic team practice. "Whew!" I thought. "I really need a few minutes to decompose."

Maybe that's why so many people think I'm a stinker.


  1. Don't decompose just yet. Wait for the Zombie Apocalypse.

  2. I forget words all the time. THere is a word for that, but I forgot it.

  3. Since turning 50 a couple years ago my memory has been a sieve. It was like flipping a switch. LOL I used to push the limits of sleep because if I'm sleeping I'm not accomplishing anything. But I do operate better on at least 6-7 hours, so I try to hit that. Doesn't always work though!

  4. Stephen,
    I've been trying to tell people, as part of my master plan to take over the world, that ZOMBIE is just not happening. ZOMBIE is the new FETCH. Just ask Mean Girl Gretchen Wieners about that.

    You're leaving out the part where the bartender looked at your friend, the frazzled end of a rope, after giving you a beer on the house because of your fun-guy-ness.

    Little Friend: Where's MY beer?

    Bartender: Buddy, aren't you that feisty piece of rope I threw out of here about an hour ago?

    Little Friend: Nope. I'm a frayed not.

    Feel free to substitute something similar. I doubt I would know the difference.

    Well, then. We need to outlaw switches. And sieves. Or shirk tasks so there is less to accomplish in 24 hours.

    That's a clever Roseanne Roseannadanna impersonation.