Friday, December 21, 2012

Snowman Knows What You Did This Winter




Snowman knows that you did not decorate the standard-issue teacher's door. That you hitched your decorating wagon to the star door across the hall. The one to the storage room, which is not flung open against a concrete-block alcove-wall umpteen times a day. Thus permitting you to have free rein for your fluffy 3-D design. An advantage akin to a NASCAR driver bringing a Formula 1 car to a stock car race.

Snowman knows that your project was assembled outside the designated time parameters, both before and after 5th hour. Snowman knows, because two students did not show up for Mrs. Thevictorian's class. Requiring her to notify the warden's office of a possible alien abduction. Only to discover that they were merely truant, working overtime for no pay.

Snowman knows that more indentured servants were recruited from other class periods. A workforce toiling for your benefit, to obtain pizza for your class, with nothing to show for their effort. Had other teachers known that this behavior would be tolerated, they could have kidnapped their own armies of children, with a promise of a really cool mine train roller coaster ride, to construct their entries, hurriedly and secretly, before before being rescued by Indiana Jones.

Enjoy your hollow victory. But remember...Snowman knows what you did this winter.

9 comments:

  1. Snowman souns just a little scary! Like ... the Shadow knows. We will all be waiting for the visit from Even Steven.

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  2. Snowman always has that big broom propped up next to him. I wonder what he's going to do with it?

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  3. That's an evil smile if ever I saw one.

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  4. Snowballs are going to hit the fan, I just know it!

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  5. Freaky the Snowman KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE!

    http://www.youtube.com/user/TheScarySnowman

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  6. That icy stare sends chills down my spine! This is a WAY better threat to give children than being watched by a jolly old elf with a list.

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  7. Kathy,
    Snowman is best friends with a fisherman named Ben Willis. So it only stands to reason that he has cornered the creepy market.

    I think Even Steven already visited. This win was to balance the score sheet for the cheater being run over by Santa while playing a reindeer in the school talent show. That's the students' theory. It was not scripted. A head thump to the gym floor, and a carpet remnant ridden over you by a 250-lb Santa is nothing to sneeze at.

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    Sioux,
    I can't speak for your freaky fastidious Snowman, Madam. But our classroom snowman pictured above had to use that broom to make himself some prosthetic arms. That was to shut up the crying from some whiner who had no sleeves.

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    Stephen,
    That was just a happy accident.

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    Linda,
    The snowballs have already been fanned. I prepared a speech for the next day's teacher lunch table, prefaced by the fact that I was unable to eat my daily chicken sandwich, what with being too full of sour grapes over this contest. I tipped off the winner ahead of time. And presented the cheat with some of my world-famous Chex mix to soften the blow. The air is now clear for the next conspiracy.

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    Leenie,
    That is a nightmare waiting to happen. I shall remain ever vigilant until the melting season arrives.

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    Tammy,
    It's time kids learn the cold, hard truth. They are under constant surveillance. Don't even TRY to pick the underwear out of your butt. Somebody is going to see you. Even those who have magical butts are not immune.

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  8. Haha! Thank god there's no 'Snowman' downunder!! That I know of, anyway ...

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  9. Red,
    Don't celebrate just yet. You still have all those poisonous spiders and snakes. I know that, because I saw it on the second season of Survivor. And because Bear Grylls told me so. When he wasn't busy drinking his own urine.

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