Stop them. Before they walk again.
It's the stuff of horror movies. Stephen King tales. Daytime nightmares. I cannot escape the roadwalkers. They seek me out like white cat hairs on a black sweater. Like marinara sauce on a business tie. Like cockleburs in the Golden Cocker Spaniel coat of an escaped Westminster Kennel Club Grand Champion candidate. Every day. In a variety of shapes and sizes. On different routes. The roadwalkers plague me like...well...the plague.
At least I saw the one in my lane today. He was no Jean Paul Pierre sporting a beret on a bicycle. He was Joe Factory. In black jeans, black t-shirt, and workboots. Joey F. strode along the edge of the pavement. I saw him from a good half-mile away. I know he heard me. Not that I put my Tahoe in neutral and revved the engine or anything. I had to stop to let an oncoming car go past us. Joey F. got all passive-aggressive and stepped off the blacktop onto the grassy shoulder. Barely.
Joey F. was walking a fine line. Skating on thin ice. Avoiding the roadway by the skin of his teeth. His swinging arm was still in my air space. Had I driven alongside him, he would have pummeled my passenger door. My extra-wide side mirrors would have cracked his skull. And I would have been the one in trouble! Not sweet and innocent Joey F. with his massive head injury and slim possibility of regaining consciousness.
I hate it when they win.
Here in the big city, our folks are more brazen. Teens (and young kids--first and second-graders from the looks of them, and everyone in-between) walk NOT on the edge of the road but right down the middle.
ReplyDeleteI'd prefer Joey F. At least he doesn't take his half down the middle.
I know you're thinking about it, but who will write your blog if you're in jail for running this guy down.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! It's the street joggers that plague me around these parts. WHY do they run in the street when there's a perfectly good sidewalk well out of the way?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking that you could possibly be related to Andy Rooney, who always spoke his mind. Cracked his head...you crack me up.
ReplyDeleteJoe is a lucky man that you didn't hit him.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Joe was going to meet up with Jean Paul.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteYou city folk need a trip to the woodshed. You probably have perfectly good sidewalks going to waste.
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Stephen,
Genius would take over. Until he succumbed to starvation, due to lack of sandwiches.
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Vicki,
Joggers feel that they have the same rights as cars. Except for signaling, stopping at lights and signs, and yielding to oncoming traffic.
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Linda,
That's just a polite way of outing me for my crotchety nature and bushy overgrown eyebrows. I've got your number, girly! Good luck staying out of the hoosegow after I drop a dime on you. The coppers don't look favorably upon a doll nabbing bacon off buffets. A strip of bacon in the purse is worth ten in the pen.
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Donna,
Jean Paul was lucky that Joe didn't find him. Joe looked like he could stomp the oui out of Jean Paul, and turn him into a perpetual mime.