I have just now dried out from a morning drenching.
The Pony and I had to pull over on the way to school because I could not see through the deluge. Lightning darted from sky to ground like a lizard's tongue to a tasty insect. My cold, cold heart melted long enough to pull up to the back door of the school so The Pony could enter without waterlogging. First, I made him get an umbrella out of the back of the Tahoe for me. He leaned over the back seat and grabbed one. Silly me. I didn't look at it until I had driven back down to the end of the row to park.
It was the lesser babka of umbrellas. I have a nice golf-style umbrella that has only been used a handful of times. The oneThe Pony left me was the red and royal blue alternating panel umbrella that no longer shoots open when the button is pushed. You have to shake it, like your fist at an angry mob. Then it slides open on its own sweet time. Oh, and the fabric is ripped from one of the metal spike thingies. So there's a gap in the canopy, and a flapping swatch of nylon.
I bravely opened my car door and put out the umbrella. Pushed the button. Waited for it to unfurl. Rain sluiced down my arm like I was standing at the base of Niagara Falls. I started the long walk to the building. I felt like a cartoon pink hippo in a purple polka dot skirt, pirouetting in ballet slippers while holding a dainty parasol. Let's just say that Chris Farley's "fat man in a little coat" routine had nothing on my "immense woman under a miniscule bumbershoot" routine.
Let the record show that I did not have on a purple polka dot skirt, nor ballet slippers, and that no actual pirouetting was involved.
Sadly, I have relegated my Crocs to only "lounging at home" times, but they would have been the perfect shoes to wear yesterday.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I need to rebel against all my more fashionable friends and stand tall and refuse to retire my Crocs. Let them come out of the closet. Truly, is there any occasion or venue where Crocs would not be perfect for?
Wherever you are, we had the same storm this morning. I missed driving in the real ugliness and went into work in just a small patter. The eye of the storm before another downlashing. Good job, as I don't own an umbrella.
ReplyDeleteI'll wager you were quite a sight!
ReplyDeleteYour word picture is worth a thousand photos. The sillyness will keep me smiling for hours. Thanks
ReplyDeletep.s. We're on fire here. Send water.
Awww, I bet there was at least ONE pirouette involved! :)
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ReplyDeleteThis would have been "Fantasia" to see!
Ha ha you made me laugh at the visuals.
ReplyDeleteCould have been worse, you could have lost your footing and slid down flat on the ground. I speak from experience.
ReplyDeleteWhat a good mom, you made sure the child was delivered safely inside first. I am impressed.
You have the wonderful ability to use everyday events and humorous happenings to paint vivid pictures with words.
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteNo. The Crocs would have let my socks get wet. Because I wear socks with my Crocs. I was actually wearing the white leather tennis shoes that I use for commuting. They kept my feet dry, and I changed into my school shoes and let the commuters dry out through the day.
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Joanne,
That was perfect timing. I tried to wait for the eye, but had to give up after five minutes on the post office parking lot. I'm on a tight schedule, you know. My captive stand-up audience awaits.
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Stephen,
I try not to encourage betting. But your money would have been safe with that wager.
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Leenie,
I'll box up some water and ship it out forthwith. I can't guarantee that it will receive tender loving care from the U.S. Postal Service, though.
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Becky,
I'll never tell. There was not much of an audience on the back side of the building.
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knancy,
I might be able to market that act in the private sector. Fantasia is in the Disney Vault, you know.
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Linda,
I appreciate it from the writing standpoint. Though it would have been hurtful if you did that in person. Which I am sure you never would. And if you did, you would make it up to me by creating a special oversized umbrella out of perfectly good items retrieved from a dumpster. Because you're savvy and crafty and compassionate like that.
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Kathy,
I do my best to deliver The Pony with all limbs intact. He is my right hand. And left.
I nearly lost my footing after lunch, on the way to the bathroom before the bell. One of those naughty joint mice in my knee locked it up, and I almost plowed headfirst into the metal door frame of the teacher workroom. Thank goodness all of the kids were in such a frenzy from their recent feeding that they did not even notice, though I was in plain sight in the hallway.
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Donna,
Thank you. I sometimes feel like I could do with a little less of those everyday events. But at least I get good mileage from them.