If Hick was the kind of person to use a Life Coach, a toddler would suffice. And be cheap, too, I bet! It amazes me that Hick does not grasp the simplest things. Yet he can turn a Mack truck from a semi-trailer-puller into a dump truck, with torches and hydraulics.
Monday evening, Hick was having chicken tenders and some cheddar-and-broccoli noodles with a previously grilled bratwurst cut up in it. I asked if he wanted anything to use for dipping his chicken tenders.
"I think I'd like mustard. The spicy mustard."
When I called Hick into the kitchen to plate his food, I told him to get the mustard.
"It's in the door of the refrigerator. I didn't have time to set it out. But there's your plate and paper towel, and you can use the spoon that's in the noodles right now."
I glanced over my shoulder as Hick was rummaging in FRIG II's door. He picked up the bright yellow squeeze bottle of regular yellow mustard!
"That's NOT your spicy brown mustard!"
"Oh. Huh. Well... where is it?"
"In the door! Same place. The short bottle that you can see through. You can SEE the spicy brown mustard!"
"Huh. You don't have to be like that. I just didn't see the mustard."
"A TODDLER would know that regular mustard is in the yellow bottle! How have you lived this long and not known that?"
"I just grabbed the wrong bottle."
After cleaning up the noodle pan, I went to change out of my town clothes, in the master bathroom, where Hick had washed his hands before supper. I KNOW! I'm as shocked as you! But Hick did indeed announce, "I'm going to wash my mitts" when I called him to the kitchen.
What DIDN'T shock me were the droplets of dirty water on the counter beside the sink, from Hick's handwashing. I reminded him of that when I walked past his recliner where he was feeding.
"Even a TODDLER knows that 'washing your hands' means scrubbing them with soap and water until the dirt is off! How can you not have mastered this skill? Just like when you leave a giant dirty handprint on the top of the paper towel roll as you tear one off, you have left drops of dirty water all along the sink. I sure hope you didn't dry your unclean hands on MY towel! I might get some kind of disease!"
"I didn't. I used my own towel."
Sure he did. Sure he walked all the way across to the shower door handle, rather than turn and use my towel that was hanging on the wall rack.
We won't discuss the fact that the spicy brown mustard expired in October, 2023. A fact known to both myself, and communicated to Hick. I'm not trying to kill him. Really. I only wanted him to enjoy that spicy brown mustard. I'm pretty sure it was fine. Hick's still kickin', on the day after eating it.
I think you're too hard on him. Poor guy, I feel so sorry for him. (wink-wink-nudge-nudge)
ReplyDeleteYes. Hick should be allowed to eat mustard he didn't want, and drip his hand-dirt wherever he pleases. That's a privilege meant for the king of this hillbilly castle!
DeleteMy ex left dirty water all over the sink AND the soap and the hand towel. I hated that and sent him back every day to clean up the bathroom. No, he never rewashed his hands. I raised four children. My mil gave birth to one of the toddlers.
ReplyDeleteHand washing was a big thing in my house and in later years when visiting my daughter, her son came out from the bathroom where he had supposedly washed his hands before dinner and she said "Show me your hands", he held them out and she said "I can't smell soap, go back and do them properly".
ReplyDeleteI think you should throw out that old mustard and buy a new one.