I offered to get Hick's Senior Center Reuben Sandwich lunch ready for his supper. You remember, this lunch that I showed you yesterday:
"I can heat it in the oven for you. That's what I'm going to do with mine later."
"No. I can microwave it."
"Okay... do you think the sandwich will turn out okay? I want to try and get my bread toasty."
"Val. There's no way you can warm that salad in the oven!"
"What? I don't plan to warm the SALAD in the oven! You don't warm a salad."
"Val. It has CHICKEN in it! I'll just warm my sandwich and salad in the microwave."
"Um. WHY would you warm that salad? It's LETTUCE!"
"It has chicken in it!"
"It's meant to be a cold salad. That chicken is already cooked. It doesn't have to be warmed. And even if it did, I'd think you would set it aside and warm it separately, without the lettuce."
"Huh. Well. I guess you can put my sandwich in the oven."
What in the NOT-HEAVEN? Did Hick think the Senior Center was serving people RAW chicken in that salad? He even stood there and ate two pieces of it when he looked in his container and saw the beets. I have no idea why he thought that salad needed to be warmed!
But wait! There's more to Hick's kitchen knowledge deficiency! I had asked if the salad had any kind of dressing on it, and Hick said that it did. I suggested that he might want to put some salsa on it, since it was a "Southewestern" salad.
"Yeah. That would be good."
"Okay. I'll set out the salsa. It's a new jar I just opened. If you dip it out with your fork, because I know how you hate the JUICE, then just don't lick your fork and put it back in. It's a new jar. I don't want it contaminated."
I went about my business, after setting out Hick's plate, fork, bowl for his salad, and heated Reuben sandwich, along with a paper towel. Good thing I turned to look as Hick was moving his salad from the foam container to his bowl, scraping it with his fork! THEN he picked up the jar of salsa!
"WAIT! What are you doing? You used your fork in the salad already!"
"Yeah..."
"You can't put that in the salsa! It has some of the dressing on it from the salad!"
"Huh. I didn't lick it!"
"No, but it still has stuff on it that will get in the salsa. Get a spoon, or a clean fork for your salsa."
"I don't know why you're so picky. I was going to wipe off the fork on my paper towel..."
Sure he was. It's a full-time job keeping Hick from food-poisoning himself, or ME.
Most people would look at that and think, "I can scrape the beets into the garbage (you), put the salad into a little bowl and put the sandwich in the oven on a cookie sheet." Hick thinks, "I'll take that clamshell container and put into the microwave to heat it up. It'll be fine." Goodness sake. It's a good thing you are there to save him from himself. Ranee
ReplyDeleteYes, Hick does not have the thought patterns of a "normal" person! Even when he was tilting the container to scoop out the slaw, he left the beets in it. Good thing there wasn't a lot of juice in them, because it would have poured right into the section with the slaw.
DeleteHick can only be trusted with machines, construction, and grilling! After that, he needs assistance to be kept alive.
How is it that Tommy shows up in your kitchen? He will put slaw on his plate with meat and vegetables and microwave the whole plate to death. He will put a used utensil in condiments! Even if I am the only person eating from my jars, I still won't stick a used fork or spoon in condiments. And, I don't spread condiments from one to the other. It is just asking for trouble! He tells me I am too picky! ugh His favorite phrase, "It won't hurt anything."
ReplyDeleteHe must be able to teleport! Only one utensil per condiment is my rule, and NO LICKING! Sure, it "won't hurt" until it hurts! When the stuff gets moldy from contamination, and/or somebody gets sick.
DeleteYep! I tell Tommy it won't hurt until it does.
DeleteI used to know a guy who was famous for double-dipping. I caught him once doing it with something that was a community salad or salsa or something. Yecccchhhhh!
ReplyDeleteNobody wants his cooties! He probably was not a hand-washer, either.
DeleteI foresee a time in the future when you and hick have separate cupboards with jars of stuff, separate ovens, separate kitchens...and his will be sparkling clean and neat because he is still relying on you to do things for him.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! Let's hope you're not psychic!
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