Now Val Can Drink In Secret

I got it! The camouflage metal water bottle from the casino comps.

It's REAL (RealTree, the copyrighted camo pattern), and it's SPECTACULAR! I haven't tried it yet. But now I can drink (water of course) without being seen by wildlife. Because you know the glint of sunlight off that metal cap won't spook them.

Hick and I also had a delicious lunch for free, using our meal comps. Actually, we combined his $10 and my $15, and splurged for sodas right there in the grill (rather than walking across the casino floor to bring in free smaller sodas), and dessert, so it ended up costing us a dollar-something. The cashier asked if we wanted to use our points for that, and Hick said yes. She promptly deducted it from his 4026 points (that's worth $4 of free play), rather than my 9289 points ($9 in free play). Heh, heh! I could tell he was not pleased about that. Even though you can't cash out anything less than $5, and it has to be in $5 increments.

The special was pulled pork, on top of fries or tater tots, with cheese. I chose the tots:

It was DELICIOUS! I suppose they made too much pulled pork a day or two before, and had to unload it somehow. I had lemon meringue pie for dessert, with no real crust, just crumbly graham crumbles on the bottom.

Hick chose the fries option, and cheesecake. In fact, he told the gal the exact piece of cheesecake he wanted, and she had to slide containers around like one of those number game puzzles my mom used to carry in her purse to distract us from misbehavior.

Neither of us could finish it all. Of course we quit in time to have room for the full dessert! Too bad it wasn't the day for the camouflage backpack cooler, or we could have packed up our leftovers for supper, in the little pie containers.

The gaming report will be tomorrow. Don't waste the anticipation. I'm still driving a 2008 Tahoe.

Hick Wants Blacktop Road Cred

Hick is not some mysterious philanthropist who supports a cause behind the scenes. Oh, Hick is a benevolent benefactor. He just wants credit for his contributions. Perhaps accolades is a more accurate term for what Hick expects.

Last week, Hick decided that the mailbox bus stop area needs a sign to warn drivers coming over the hill.

"If they can put up signs by the other bridge that say "Rough Road," and not bother to fix the rough road, then they can put up a sign to keep these speeders from running over kids when they're getting on the bus. I'm calling the county road administrator to ask for a sign."

With a couple days, there was a metal post at the top of Mailbox Hill. No sign. But a metal post with an orange flag tied to it.

"Did you see my pole?" asked Hick. Un-self-consciously.

"Nooo..."

"At the top of the hill! It didn't take long. I bet they put the sign on it pretty soon."

I must say, I did not notice the day the sign went up. I am not in a habit of looking for signs. Actual physical road signs, anyway. I concentrate more on keeping T-Hoe on his side of the road, ready to dodge an oncoming driver who isn't. Anyhoo, Hick was sure to tell me when his sign went up.

"Did you see it? The bus sign is up!" Hick called me while I was in town.

"No. I didn't notice it coming in. But I'll look for it going home."

Yes, once just a shiny pole, there was now a sign to warn drivers about a bus stop.

Most people probably think it's warning about high water impassability of the road.

By the time they can read it, they'll see the bus anyway. Still, it will serve as a reminder when they see the bright color from farther back. I hope. Kudos to Hick for setting the wheels of the bus stop sign in motion.

Let the record show that Hick is also happy to take credit for his and Buddy's Poorly Blacktopped Hill, which, in comparison, makes this road seem like a brand new turnpike.

Ch Ch CHANGE's Here For Me

I want to be a richer Val...

SATURDAY, October 5, less than an hour after my Saturday CENTsus hit the innernets bemoaning a lack of coins for my Future Pennyillionaire fortune...I found a penny.

I remember it like it was last Saturday. Oh. It WAS. Right there on the floor of The Gas Station Chicken Store. Me wearing a pair of The Pony's old shoes, because I could.

It was a 2019, all shiny and face-down, reflecting artsy-fartsy-ly off the trim of the counter. Looks like the owners have put their two new clerks to work, spiffing up the place.
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TUESDAY, October 8, I discovered a DIME at Orb K. Sorry, no picture of it in its natural habitat. I had to hold my place in line, fervently hoping that somebody didn't walk over to look at the scratchers display and take my rightful dime! By the time I had my scratchers, I didn't have a hand free for photography. I didn't want to hold those scratchers in my mouth. And I didn't want to stuff them in an armpit. So I just snatched my dime and shuffled on out of there. Besides, does anybody really regret not seeing the unclean floor of Orb K this week? I think not.

There it is at home, though. Posing on the kitchen counter. A 2006, which I'd noted was face-down when I picked it up. Not a bad showing this week, scooping up 11 cents.
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Stopping the presses to add a late addition:

This 1975 penny was found face-down at the Backroads Casey's, at 1:53 p.m. on SATURDAY, October 12. I was unable to get a picture in the wild, as it was deep under the gum rack, and I had a close-waiter blocking me from backing up to get a shot. The close-waiter is probably scheduling a therapy appointment, after her exposure to my ample rumpus, as I scooted this penny out with the floppy toe of The Pony's old shoe, and picked it up. Here he is, chilling in the autumn sun on T-Hoe's console.

That makes it a 12-cent week for Val's Future Pennyillionaire fortune.
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2019 Running Total
Penny     # 104, 105.
Dime      # 18. (surpasses last year's dime total)
Nickel    still at 8.
Quarter   still at 4.

2018 TOTALS
Penny  131
Dime  17
Nickel  6
Quarter  1

2017 TOTALS (Started in March, 2017)
Penny  78
Dime   6
Nickel  0
Quarter  0
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Hick's Storage Unit Store Has a Rat

Poor Hick. He's been betrayed. I feel sympathy for him. Mark your calendar.

Hick called me on Thursday afternoon, from his Storage Unit Store. He commenced a tale so sad that my cold, cold heart thawed a couple of degrees. Fahrenheit.

"I was putting away two guns I bought at the auction Monday night, in my gun safe here at the store. It has those pouches on the door, like our safe at home. I had put some guitar strings in there that my buddy gave me, when his son put new strings on his guitar. They were coiled up, a set of strings. I probably could have got ten dollars for them. But now they're GONE! Them, and two rolls of dollar coins! There's an old man who always pays me with dollar coins. They're short rolls. I think maybe $10 rolls. Somebody stole my coins and guitar strings!"

"You leave your gun safe open???"

"I have to. So people can see what I got. I just have it unlocked, with the door pushed to. If they ask me, they can pull it open and look at the guns. They can't steal them. I can see if they walk out with one. I only have two handguns, and I keep them on a table where I sit."

"I'm pretty sure it was a gun LOOKER who took your strings and coins. Not a gun BUYER."

"Yeah."

Well. I am simply SHOCKED! Aren't you? Shocked that customers at a flea market are not the fine upstanding members of society who would never take something that didn't belong to them. All I can say is, "Sh*tbums gonna sh*tbum." They come in looking for something for nothing, and make sure they get it.

Here's my suggestion to Hick. Find a classy box or envelope. Or get a padded little manila envelope. Inside, put a mousetrap, and a note card that says, "Not TODAY, rat!" Tape it up so it's difficult to open.

Heh, heh. I can imagine a thief picking up that little envelope, feeling it, thinking something good is inside, stuffing it in his shirt, and opening it later in the car. I'm kinda warped like that. I know the mousetrap can't be set to snap on them. It's just the idea. To let them know that Hick is aware of their shenanigans.

I'm not sure Hick is picking up what I'm laying down. He sat in the La-Z-Boy later, saying that there are still 26 coins left in the pocket of the safe! Loose. Not in rolls. Just dropped down in there. He guesses the thief didn't notice them. The two rolls were on top of the guitar strings, and might have come up when the guitar strings were pulled on.

SHEESH! You can't leave your valuables in an OPEN SAFE! Of course sh*tbums are gonna be rifling through it. It's a SAFE! For keeping valuables!

Hick did say that he thinks he'll take his 26 dollar coins out of the pocket Friday when he opens. I said he needs to keep an eye on the people who ask about guns, but don't buy one. He has a great memory for faces. I'm sure they'll keep coming back. He can check to see if his special package is gone when they leave. Then the next time, he can take a picture, heh, heh, so they'll know something's up. And maybe quit going in Hick's store.

What Hick Needs Is the Spirit of Patrick Swayze Advocating for Him

Wednesday evening, Hick dropped me off to pick up T-Hoe, and declared that he would go on into town after chatting with Mick the Mechanic, to get Domino's pizza for supper. We haven't had Domino's since the last time The Pony was home. Which was last December. We don't really like it, except for the thin crust variety.

I took T-Hoe (now without a warning bell, hopefully with brakes) to Orb K for a 44 oz Diet Coke and scratchers. Cashed in a $15 winner, and won $50, in case you're interested. Anyhoo... the Diet Coke from the newly-installed soda fountain was fine. Not as fine as the Diet Coke at The Gas Station Chicken Store, but fine enough. Besides, it saved me another stop. I wanted to get home, you know, because Hick was bringing pizza.

I stopped for the mail, fed the dogs some bread dipped in the juices of the previous day's roasted chicken, put my driver's license back in my regular purse (we'd been to the casino), added cherry limeade and squeezed a real lime into my magical elixir, filled my two bubba cups with ice, changed clothes, and sat down to sip some water (gambling can be dehydrating) while waiting for Hick.

Seventy minutes after leaving me at Mick's, Hick sent me a text that he was starting home with the pizza. Well. Good to know. I was beginning to think he'd gone to Italy for it. Town is only 10 minutes from home! Every time I'd call to order pizza on the way home from school with The Pony, the Domino's dude would tell me, "It should be ready in 10-15 minutes." And it was.

When Hick got home 10 minutes later, he said,

"I talked to Mick for a minute, then went to get the pizza. The guy told me it would take 15 minutes. So I sat down at a table to wait. After 15 minutes, I went to the counter to ask about it. And the guy said, 'Oh, I forgot to call your name.' He went and got it off the shelf. It's still hot. It only sat there about five minutes. Good thing I got up to ask."

Yes, Hick needs the spirit of Patrick Swayze (the Dirty Dancing spirit, not the Ghost spirit) to warn those Domino's dudes: "Nobody puts Hick at a table!"

I hope this generation of doctors and lawyers are more capable of doing their job well than this generation of pizza-makers and mailmen...

T-Hoe Is Going Under the Wrench!

As you read this, T-Hoe is in the capable hands of Mick the Mechanic. I'm pretty sure T-Hoe's brain will be turned off at some point. Then he'll be revived before I pick him up. To keep my mind off the multiple procedures, Hick is taking me to a casino. Actually, it has more to do with the camouflage water bottle and the FREE CASH and LUNCH CREDIT we'll be getting. But I can pretend.

I met Hick at Mick's after procuring my magical elixir, so he could give me a ride home. The journey of what seems like a thousand miles riding with Hick begins with an awkward step up on SilverRedO's pipe-like running board. Then it progresses to a skootch across a cloth seat while avoiding a doorknob on the rubber floor mat.

SilverRedO is not a vehicle I frequent. My last trip in him was probably from the main post office over to Hick House to see the progress, since I didn't want a repeat of getting T-Hoe stuck in PARK on that hill. SilverRedO has a decent ride for a 4WD pickup truck. In spite of the sweaver behind the wheel. There was one issue, though...

"Whew! SilverRedO smells like a dirty old truck!"

"Well. It is. It's a truck. I use it like a truck, Val."

"It didn't used to smell this way, when you first got it. Not even last time I was in it, back in May or June."

"I don't smell anything."

"It's like a musty, closed up, dirty house kind of smell."

"Huh. I got a box of them clothes back there. Out of my old storage unit stuff, that I'm going to wash and sell."

Indeed. A turn of my head revealed a Rubbermaid tub of assorted clothing, a fleece sweatshirt on top. That'll do it! That was EXACTLY what SilverRedO smelled like.

Hick needs to get some of those cardboard deodorant trees at the car wash, to hang from SilverRedO's mirror.

Trouble On the Rocks

Friday afternoon, I was surprised to see a young man sitting on a big rock down by the creek. I'd stopped at the mailbox around 1:00. In town, I'd discovered that the local high school let out early for a parade. I assumed this dude might have gotten off the bus, and was waiting for a ride. It was an illogical assumption, but I had no other.

First of all, the bus takes at least an hour to get out here after school dismisses. Secondly, the car that underage kid drives down there to park and catch the bus was still parked. So if the bus had let off, the car would have been gone. This dude looked too old to be that kid. He had long stringy brown hair, swept back and trapped under a backwards trucker cap. He was dressed in shorts and a shirt, like any student might wear.

Dude sat on the rock, facing the road, looking at his phone. You'd think somebody who took a walk down there and was just chillin' would be dangling his gangly legs off the other side of the rock, facing the creek. Not a blacktop road. Anyhoo... Dude didn't even look up as I got out for the mail. I figured it had something to do with the early dismissal, and forgot about it, not even mentioning it to Hick.

Monday, around 1:00, I came back from Walmart to find TWO dudes at the rock. The Original Dude was again sitting in the same place, with his phone. Standing in the road, facing him was Big Dude. Still looked young enough to be a student. They both could have been between 16-20. Big Dude had a crew cut, sandy hair, and was dressed like a jock, no cap, wearing flip-flops.

As you might imagine, I was suspicious. WHY were these dudes sitting at the end of my gravel road? I usually get out of T-Hoe, leave him running, and don't latch the door. This time, I turned off the ignition, and took the keys with me.

Big Dude turned to look at me, and said, "Good afternoon." I said hello and went about my mail-gathering business. I would have taken a picture of them, once I climbed back in T-Hoe, but Big Dude kept looking at me. Of course I couldn't risk taking a picture of suspicious possible criminals, in case they might be residents who thought I was a mail-stealer.

Seriously, what business could these dudes have had down there? Maybe THEY had been going through the mailboxes. Maybe they had something to do with the recent broken windows in the bus-waiting shack. Maybeeeee they were connected to DUN DUN DUNNNN: the used condom! Why would two dudes be hanging out on a rock beside the road? Waiting to buy or sell drugs? Acting as lookouts for accomplices who were up in there stealing?

I don't know. Just seems kind of mysterious. Hick did not see them, and did not know of any residents who fit their description.