Wednesday, January 27, 2021

Nice Moms Finish Last

Nice moms finish last when they give a scratcher ticket to their offspring every day. Like Tuesday, when I got my hot arthritic hands on the newest scratchers that came out on MO Money Monday, but were not yet out for sale at my regular hangouts.

Yes, there was a new $20 ticket, and a new $5 ticket. They are TIMESERS! That's what I call the tickets that have multipliers. I love a good TIMESER! Anyhoo... The Pony had a winner for me to cash in, to get him a new $20 ticket. I wanted one myself, but I told him that if the Gas Station Chicken Store only had one roll of them in the case, I would let him buy it. I don't like to buy consecutive tickets off a roll, because you're guaranteed to get a loser.

I was in luck! They had TWO rolls of the new $20, and TWO rolls of the new $5. Which The Pony did not give me money for. I got two of the $20s, and asked for two of the $5s. 

"Oh, I'm sorry! We're out of that roll of $5s."

"Okay. I'll just take one, then."

I had other business, at the bank over in Sis-Town. I then went to the Sis-Town Casey's for T-Hoe's outrageously-priced gas. I refused to pay $2.44 a gallon for the mid-grade I usually feed him. I opted for the lowest grade at $2.07 a gallon. Heh, heh! T-Hoe is on a diet!

Inside, I bought another of the new $5 scratchers. So I had two of each of the new tickets.

When I got home, I allowed The Pony to pick which of the Gas Station Chicken Store $20 tickets he wanted, and I said,

"I'll even let you have one of these new fives, even though you didn't pay, and I don't give you charity on days that you can buy a ticket for yourself. BUT you will have to pay me the $5 it cost when you win something again."

The Pony agreed. He picked the $5 ticket from the Sis-Town Casey's, and the lowest numbered ticket of the Gas Station Chicken Store $20s. Off he went to scratch while eating the Whopper I had picked up for his lunch.

"Oh, Mom. You're not going to be happy. I scratched off the first row of my five, and every number is a winner!"

"NOOOO! I've been in a slump! That is MY RIGHTFUL TICKET! I bet it's a win-all."

"Yep. Looks like it. The whole second row is winners. Do you want me to look at the amounts, or bring it in there so you can watch me scratch them off?"

"Bring it in here! I can pretend that it's mine, which IT SHOULD BE!"

Yes. The Pony won $100 on the ticket I gave him. [Let the record show that since we were headed to the casino the next day, I wouldn't be making my trip to town to cash in tickets. The Pony wanted his funds, so I said I'd buy it from him and cash it in later.]

"I'm always happy when you win five or fifteen dollars on the tickets I give you. But a HUNDRED? Not so much! Remember, you still have to pay me five dollars for it!"

"Okay. Just give me ninety-five for it."

"Who do you think I AM, your father? I don't carry around all those bills. I have twenties and ones. I'll wait until you have small bills. I'm taking this down to my lair to get a picture. I'll have to block out the barcode since you have sloppily revealed it."

This is where the Truth in Blogging Law requires me to amend my title. You'll see why.

My own new $5 ticket was a loser. As was the $20 ticket The Pony had paid for. [Yeah. No tears shed for him there.] I settled in to scratch my own $20 ticket.

 I had a TIMES! A 5X! I love to get a TIMESER! I called The Pony down to see it.

I had my own $100 winner! So technically, my title should be: Nice Moms Finish Even. Since I had my own hundo to match The Pony's win.

"Dang it, Pony! If I hadn't been so nice, I would have won $200 today!"

"Or... I could have picked THAT $20 instead of the one I took, and you could have won NOTHING, while I won $200!"

He's got a point there. I'm wiping my brow in relief. Thanks, Even Steven.


  1. I remember timsers, it was the gozintas that I hated.

    1. Math is like a puzzle. I enjoyed everything except finding SLOPE in algebra, and SINE, COSINE, TANGENT in trigonometry. PROBABILITY was no picnic, either. They didn't sink my valedictorianship, though!

    2. I have learned that the answer to all math questions on Jeopardy is zero, or sometimes -1. I did get a D- in Calculus in college and I still don't know what Calculus is.

    3. Genius had difficulties with Calculus in college, and contacted his high school teacher, my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel, for clarification, dragging her out of retirement for consultation. SHE was happy to help, because she MISSED teaching calculus!

  2. Replies
    1. NO! That is not my intention. I will not be the Pied Piper of Gambling!

      I see myself as providing a valuable service: I gamble so you don't have to! Same as I eat expired Ponytail Guy food so you don't have to. I'm selfless like that...

  3. You have cracked the code to scratchers. I hope you win a bundle at the casino.

    1. Right place, right time, right choice. A thread that was meant to be woven into the rich tapestry of my life. Casino tale coming up on Sunday, maybe.

  4. Okay, you've had your fun, now send Even Steven downunder for a while. Please.

  5. You two will go to your graves trying to stay even...