Saturday, Val had a pterodactyl on her noggin. Cousin Allison was nowhere in sight.
I had put off bringing the trash dumpster down the driveway from Thursday's trash pickup. The weather turned cold, which wouldn't have stopped me in itself, but the wind was whipping around at 30 mph, and I just wasn't having it. I have a husband, you know, who doesn't work except for doing his own laundry every six weeks or so whether it needs it or not.
Let the record show that Hick later said that he WOULD HAVE brought the dumpster down, if I'd asked him. Let that record further show that Hick normally pulls the dumpster along with one hand while driving the Gator, but he told me that he would have walked up there to get it. Yeah. Right. He didn't score any Sweet Baboo points with that revelation, because I knew he was bluffing.
Anyhoo...the wind was still whipping, and the temps in the 40s, but I'd put it off long enough. I had a bag of trash waiting to be drawstringed in the kitchen. It was physically impossible to Jenga anything else on top. So off I went, in the too-bright December sunshine, to fetch the dumpster. I DID put on my jacket, and a cap to stop the whipping tendrils of my lovely lady-mullet from blinding me.
My loyal buddy Jack came from the Freight Container Garage construction site to greet me as I was parking the dumpster. I was sweet-talking him when I noticed something on top of the dumpster lid.
LADYBUGS!
They must have clung on there for dear ladybug life as I tilted that dumpster and towed it through the raging wind to get it back to the carport area.
"Just a minute, Jack! I want a picture of the ladybugs! Oh! Do YOU want to be in a picture, too?" I snapped one of Jack looking at me. Kind of. I made that smoochy noise that you do to get a dog's attention, and got a better one of him that I used a couple days ago.
"Okay. Now let's get that picture of the ladybugs! I hope they're not humping! That would be embarrassing!"
Well. What's embarrassing is my picture. And it's not ladybugs humping.
It's two nuggets of BIRD POOP.
Pretty appropriate, I suppose, for that big ol' bird on my head.
Only you could get a fun post out of bird poop!
ReplyDeleteWhen life gives you poop...make a poopy post!
DeleteThe reason Jack wasn't looking at you is he knew those weren't ladybugs, a dogs nose knows I suppose.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm pretty sure he was embarrassed for me.
DeleteI didn't know birds could poop nuggets, I thought they all just splatted a grey and white mess. And here I was rejoicing in ladybugs getting a safe ride home.
ReplyDeleteI am not a poopologist, but I ASSUME it's bird poop. I can imagine a bird sitting on top of the dumpster and leaving it, but I can't think of another critter that might have been up there.
DeleteThat close-up makes the bird poop look like it's two pieces of fried chicken.
ReplyDeleteDo birds in your neck of the woods dine on KFC?
I hope not! Then they would be kind of like semi-cannibals, eating their fowl cousins. Thank goodness the fried chicken from the gas station chicken store doesn't look like that!
DeleteOh stop! My sides hurt from laughing and my wrinkles are set for the day. Bird poop?! i thought it was something from the sea. Never stop writing.
ReplyDeleteFrom the SEA? Remind me never to swim in the ocean!
DeleteI'm pretty sure my mom would have enjoyed this story. And by "enjoyed," I mean laughed until she cried.
Poop...tee hee!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE IT when my brain dials itself to 13 again.
DeleteI think you better catch those birds and get them to a gerontologist, judging by the color of that poop.
ReplyDeleteWell, it MIGHT have been a field mouse. But if so, I think HE needs a proctologist, and maybe some painkillers for his sore butt.
Delete