It's a Hoard Candy Christmas

Christmas Day was pretty busy for me. Not that I'm special. I know it's busy for everyone. Well...everyone but, perhaps, Hick and The Pony.

I was cleaning up after Christmas dinner. Genius helped clear the table, and Friend rinsed off the dishes and collected the silverware and helped put some cold items in FRIG II while Genius gathered games they were taking to Friend's family's celebration that afternoon. I continued working away, washing all the dishes and the glassware, to let them dry in the dish drainer before starting on the pans.

It wouldn't have hurt to have a little assistance in tossing some leftovers to the dogs, or bagging up the trash to take it out. But sadly, I was alone. I figured that maybe Hick and The Pony were just dense. You know. They'd be glad to help, if only they knew that I needed help. So I went into the living room to put them on the spot.

Hick was rocking SnoozaPalooza '17 in the La-Z-Boy. I guess eating all that food in 15 minutes tired him out. Lest you doubt my previous revelation that Hick covers his face when he sleeps, even while wearing his breather...here's the proof. A pic, so it DID happen.

The Pony was plumb tuckered out. Apparently, digesting six Sister Schubert's rolls and half a stick of butter is quite taxing. I gave up on the pipe dream of getting some help, and went back to finish clean-up by myself.

Later that evening, after warming some leftovers for The Pony, and doing the same for Hick, and actually delivering it to his La-Z-Boy (!), I got to looking for a treat. Just a little something. I remembered that Niecey had given us a container of candy and cookies the night before, at my sister the ex-mayor's wife's Christmas Eve party.

Huh. I didn't see that container anywhere. I know that we brought our stuff home. I unpacked my box and put it away. When the treats were handed out, the passer-outer told me that they had given ours to Hick. But I didn't see what he did with his stuff. So I asked.

"Where's the candy that Niecey gave us?"

"I don't know. Where did you put yours?"

"What do you mean? It was for both of us. Whoever passed out the gifts said they gave ours to you."

"No. We each had one."

"NO. She gave US one. And they said they handed it to you."

"Well, I brought MINE home."

"Where is it? It's ours, and I want some."

"Where's your stuff from last night?"

"I put it all away! I did NOT have a container of candy and cookies! Where did you put 'yours'?"

"I left my stuff in the car last night."

"Where is it now?"

"With my other stuff."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"In the BARn. I took it to the BARn."

"OH! So you're HIDING it in the BARn! And you're going to sneak-eat it! You're not even supposed to have sugar! You shouldn't have it over there in the BARn."

"I was putting away my presents. My Coke stuff she got in Atlanta. It was just in the box with my stuff."

"Yet you LEFT IT THERE!"

"We EACH had one! I don't know why you're so worried about what I did with MINE!"

"Pony! Text your cousin Niecey and ask if she gave me and and Dad the container of candy, or if we EACH got one!"

"She says it was for both of you."

"SEE! I would like to have some of it."

"It's in the BARn."

Well. Of course I had to send a text to Niecey.

Niecey, thanks for the cookies and candy. When I asked Hick where it was, he said we each got one. Further interrogation revealed that it's now in the BARn. Because that's where everyone keeps their Christmas candy, I suppose. I don't know when he found the time to stash it there. For all I know, he's eaten it already!

But my point, of course, was to sincerely thank you. And not to tattle on the selfish candy thief to whom I am married.

NIECEY: "Hahaha! So it's basically already gone! Next year, just for you, I'll make you your own container! I will even put your name on it."

"Next year! I'll be watching him like a hawk! I knew he was up to something, because he was so evasive during questioning."

NIECEY: "You'll get your own. Don't worry. Sounds like Hick."

"Hick is many things, but a good liar is not one of them."

NIECEY: "Hahaha! Well, I am so sorry that he stole all of your candies. I promise to make you your own next year."

"That's okay. I was mainly trying to debunk his theory that we each had one, and that I'd lost mine. Mission accomplished."

NIECEY: "Perfect!"

Lucky for you, I have a picture! Not of MY share of candy and cookies. No siree, Bob! It's in the BARn, or in Hick's stomach, or in his descending colon. But this is the container that The Pony got.

It looks tasty, but I would never ask The Pony to share his with me. I have some of my own. Somewhere. Possibly in the BARn.

Thank goodness my best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel gave me some homemade chocolate-covered cherries.

I shared some with Genius, because he loves them. Not gave-him-some-to-take-home shared. More like you-can-have-one-if-you-want shared.

I don't know if Hick has been into them. Maybe I should start counting.