A Day I Wished Hick Would LITERALLY Give Somebody the Shirt Off His Back

It's not every day that your son graduates from college. And it's not every day that's the day before your son graduates from college, and has an offer from the university photographer to take some graduation photos for free. So...you might imagine that some thought would go into what to wear on this momentous occasion.

Apparently, the thought that came to Hick's head was: I think I'll wear a shirt that hasn't seen the outside of my walk-in closet for nigh on 25 years. A shirt that is older than Genius, the graduate himself.

Hick actually had about 5 chances to change that shirt. When he came to the living room in it, and sat down on the long couch, I asked him.

"That's not what you're wearing, is it?"

"I thought I would. Why?"

"No. Just no. I don't think you want that in graduation pictures for eternity."

"I don't know why not. It's a good shirt."

"I'm pretty sure you have something better. Didn't you have a solid red shirt, kind of that style?"

"Yeah. But I gave it away when I got fat."

"I know you have something else."

"You even bought this one for me."

"Well...back when it was in style. Back when western was a big thing, because of Garth Brooks."

"I think it looks good."

So I let it rest. Close to time for us to leave, I reminded Hick that he might want to go get a different shirt. Nope. He didn't. As we left the house, I again asked if he was really wearing that. Yes. He was. AND he had added a vest!

We stopped by the dead-mouse-smelling post office to mail a bill on the way out of town, and I tried to get a picture of him walking out. My camera has that lag time, though. And he was back in the sweaver's driver's seat before I knew it. But I took the picture anyway. Because you wouldn't believe from a mere description that it could be so awful unless you saw it.

Hick looks like he could be in a Kenworth, pullin' logs, 'bout a mile outta Shaky Town, about to put the hammer down. Rather than behind the wheel of A-Cad, on the way to be in his son's graduation pictures.

Don't get me wrong. I don't claim to be a runway model for commencement fashion. I eschewed my regular button-front shirts with a side pocket, though, in favor of something a bit more refined.

Tasteful. Solid color. Not pulling attention away from the graduate. Let the record show that Genius DID roll his eyes when his dad stepped out of the car upon arrival. That vindicated me, at least.

Seriously. I might just as well have worn my favorite old ratty baby blue sweatshirt for those graduation pictures.

Let the record further show that the wind was chill that day, and some of the pictures were taken outside, on campus. Hick put on his black Goodwill hoodie (emblazoned in gold with MIZZOU) to stay warm, thus covering the floral print of his blouse shirt. I suppose that it was lost on him that we were not on the Mizzou campus, that Genius did not graduate from Mizzou, and that the main color associated with Genius's college is dark green. As if that in itself might deter one from wearing a Mizzou hoodie in the graduate's photos.

Let the record also show that Genius's Friend, who was along with us after having lunch that day, did not have a jacket, and was shivering, but still declined to wear Hick's vest to keep warm, even though he was not in the pictures. Yes. A recent college graduate preferred to risk hypothermia rather than be seen in a tan corduroy vest that could have preserved his core temperature.

To the graduation itself, Hick wore a short-sleeve, mostly-white, polo shirt with a thin blue stripe, large grid pattern. Not that there are any pictures of it.