Tuesday, April 28, 2015

When Hick Has Only One Job To Do, He Still Doesn't Do It Well. Or Even Acceptably.

I should have known better. After that debacle of trying to find his butt with both hands, and failing miserably...I still gave Hick the opportunity to prove his worth. He must think this is some kind of Everyone Gets A Trophy kind of house. That's what he gets for thinking.

Last night, I whipped up a Hick-worthy supper of Shake'N'Baked pork steaks, Maple-Cured Bacon Baked Beans out of the Bush's can (though let the record show that I heated them, and added a couple of secret ingredients), and SLAW. As an added touch, I put a layer of sliced onions on the bottom of the pan with some barbecue sauce as the pork steaks baked in their Shake'Ns. Nothing like a good caramelized onion as an accompaniment to the evening meal.

When it was finished, I did my best to clean up the kitchen so I wouldn't have to do it the next morning. I cut up some leftover pork steak for two days worth of lunches for me. Put the beans in a plastic container. Saved the caramelized onions for another meal (c'mon, it's not like they were common sliced onions laying on a kitchen counter for eternity). Washed up the pans and silverware and plates. All that was left to be done was the dumping of the pork fat rendered from the Bake'n. Those 9x13 Pyrex pans retain heat, you know.

So I asked Hick if, after cooling, he would mind dumping that fat on top of the dry dogfood our dogs seem to leave in their pans all day. He agreed. That's all he had to do. Dump the fat. Oh, and wrap up the leftover pork steaks in foil, but NOT TOO TIGHT, so the Shake'N'Bake crust didn't get all crumbled off.

I'm sure you know where this is heading. The pork steaks were wrapped together in one piece of foil, meaning that one was stacked on top of the other, letting its juices run down on the Shake'N'Baked crumblies, which is pretty much akin to holding it under running water so all the flavor washes off. Which brings us to the running water.

I found out this morning at 4:50 a.m. that Hick had not only poured the "meat juice" as he would call it, out of the 9x13 Pyrex baking dish, but that he had also rinsed that pan. Which was not in his job description. Because when I went to run the water down the drain for five minutes, waiting for it to get hot enough to plug up for dishwater...I discovered that the water would not drain from my sink.

Further investigation into the sink that worked fine in the evening, but was clogged the next morning...revealed that particles of onion, chunks of Shake'N'Bake, and blobs of congealed cooked pork juices were clogging the little openings of that bottom of the sink drain.


Technically, I gave Hick two jobs. That must be the problem. Work overload.


  1. TWO jobs is too much? Surely you jest.

    ONE is excessive...

  2. We need better instructions, step by step directions, and a check list would also help.

  3. My sister used to do those sorts of things on purpose, so that we would not let her do any cleaning in the kitchen. It worked.

    You should save the pork fat and freeze it, it's good for cooking.

  4. In our house we have the reverse problem. My wife prefers the way I do things. It could just be that she's smarter than me.

  5. Sioux,
    I guess you're better with numbers than I am, Madam!

    You forgot the instructional video.

    I think your sister was probably smarter than Hick, who has not thought of such a deliberate plan.

    Freeze the pork fat for cooking? Let the record show that Hick, every so often in the middle of one of his Hick-y fits, declares that I never cook! That all I do is warm up food in the oven, or heat it in the microwave. So according to him, no cooking happens in this house. Therefore, the pork fat should go to the dogs.

    I think you're onto something there. It's kind of like Planet of the Apes. I need to warm Mrs. C about the problem she could be creating. The first sign of danger is when you start figuring out how we think.